SPECIAL REPORT: 9/10 Of Americans Have No Fxxking Idea What’s Going On

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With the 2020 US Presidential Election just weeks away, The Waterton Chronicle took to the streets to survey the locals on who they think is the best person to lead the alleged land of the free and home of the brave for the next four years. The results are simultaneously shocking and not really that surprising.  Our roving … Continue reading SPECIAL REPORT: 9/10 Of Americans Have No Fxxking Idea What’s Going On

Supercars: Whincup “Confused” After Kart Stops Before End Of Race

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With the 2020 Bathurst 1000 not far away, some of the race favourites took to the kart track today, and after completing more than 100 laps each in preparation for the Great Race, the learnings from the session will surely prove invaluable for the race weekend.  Sources familiar with the situation told The Waterton Chronicle Jamie Whincup was … Continue reading Supercars: Whincup “Confused” After Kart Stops Before End Of Race

Supercars: Race Engineers To Undergo Pronunciation Training Ahead Of 2020 Bathurst 1000

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Following the absolute clusterfxxk that resulted from the “debriss” incident at last year’s Bathurst 1000, teams up and down pitlane have apparently learned that if they’re going to win, they need to teach their race engineers about the whole silent “s” thing.  Announcing the new program from his office at Triple 8 Red Bull HQ, Head of Supercars … Continue reading Supercars: Race Engineers To Undergo Pronunciation Training Ahead Of 2020 Bathurst 1000

NZ Herald Steals “Fair And Balanced” Tagline From Fox News

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT In what will surely result in the next “completely impartial and not at all paid for by taxpayer money” pre-election poll showing that Jacinda will officially ascend to the status of “deity master” on election night in a few weeks, the New Zealand Herald has tonight just gone ahead and unveiled their new tagline.  The Waterton Chronicle sent … Continue reading NZ Herald Steals “Fair And Balanced” Tagline From Fox News

Jacinda Ardern Says She’ll “Hug everyone in New Zealand if that’s what it takes”

Rob Walsh | Political Reporter | CONTACT NZ Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has issued a stern challenge to National Party leader Judith Collins, stating that she’ll hug all of New Zealand’s “team of 5 million” citizens in order to win the now-postponed NZ election. Fronting the press after Auckland’s reversal into lockdown, Ardern said she’s ready to embrace every citizen literally if it means securing … Continue reading Jacinda Ardern Says She’ll “Hug everyone in New Zealand if that’s what it takes”

Richmond To Replace Groping With Traditional Australian Hug, Kiss, Lick Or A Bit Of A Dry Root

Mark Lewis | Roving Reporter | CONTACT Richmond Football Club have announced a new clubroom celebration policy in light of a recent groping scandal that has rocked the AFL side. The club were forced to change their celebrations after cameras in the changerooms caught several players groping each other, which led to much pearl-clutching by a handful of Twitter users. The Tigers have stated that … Continue reading Richmond To Replace Groping With Traditional Australian Hug, Kiss, Lick Or A Bit Of A Dry Root

Australian Citizens Trapped Overseas Start Enrolling As International Students To Get Back Home

Mark Lewis | Foreign Correspondent | CONTACT A new trend has emerged as Australian citizens stuck offshore due to border lockdowns have started enrolling in Australian universities, to expedite their return home. The trend started after the SA and NT governments announced last week that they would fly international students back into Australia, after relentless lobbying by the university ticket-clipping industry. Fed up with being … Continue reading Australian Citizens Trapped Overseas Start Enrolling As International Students To Get Back Home

Supercars: Tears Of Holden Supporters To Be Sprayed On Track In Bid To Enforce Parity

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As the so-called “organisation” (a loose term) running Supercars looks for ways to make the series even vaguely interesting again, like back in the day when it was about racing, the pelicans running the show have come up with yet another bird-brain scheme they reckon will bring back actual racing, and actual racing fans. As the pelicans flap … Continue reading Supercars: Tears Of Holden Supporters To Be Sprayed On Track In Bid To Enforce Parity

Supercars: Pit Lane Release Rules “Clarified” Following Whincup Debacle

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Tony Robinson and his Time Team archaeologists continue to dig, looking for the remains of the once great series, Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican, following instructions from Triple 8 boss Roland Dane, has clarified the rules and procedures around releasing cars in pit lane.  Following the ruling during race 3 at the Darwin Triple Crown … Continue reading Supercars: Pit Lane Release Rules “Clarified” Following Whincup Debacle

Supercars Fans Call In Archaeologists To Investigate Demise Of Series

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Following the absolute clusterfxxk of a race that happened at Darwin today, where for reasons no one can explain to anyone, James Courtney managed to finish second, and those who copped pit lane penalties somehow managed to finish ahead of those who only copped time penalties, a group of old school fans have enlisted the help of Tony … Continue reading Supercars Fans Call In Archaeologists To Investigate Demise Of Series