Jacinda Repurposes Beef & Poultry Farms, Cigars “More Profitable” Apparently

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Following the announcement on Friday that El Presidente Jacinda Ardern isn’t keen on being accountable to the people of Tropico, sorry, New Zealand, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to report the news.  However, The Waterton Chronicle has learned through a leaked email from El Presidente’s office that Jacinda’s plan to not have the entire country’s population starve to death … Continue reading Jacinda Repurposes Beef & Poultry Farms, Cigars “More Profitable” Apparently

Jacinda Goes Full Castro Amid COVID Chaos

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has apparently gone full Fidel Castro, as the harsh realities of trying to run a socialist dictatorship in a democratic nation make their way home to roost.  With those pesky opposition MPs and journalists beginning to ask too many questions, like “how will people pay for stuff without jobs?”, “when will we … Continue reading Jacinda Goes Full Castro Amid COVID Chaos

F1: Lewis Hamilton, 27 Other Drivers To Join Ferrari Next Year, Says Eddie Jordan

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT The crazy old grandad of F1 is at it again in his seemingly never ending quest to correctly guess who will replace Sebastian Vettel at Ferrari when the struggling driver eventually calls it a day.  Eddie Jordan has apparently spent most of his time in COVID-induced isolation thinking up as many ways as possible to get his name … Continue reading F1: Lewis Hamilton, 27 Other Drivers To Join Ferrari Next Year, Says Eddie Jordan

Jacinda Spends NZ’s Last $25 On Maccas Family Meal Box

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT In a developing story, it appears New Zealand’s Prime Minister has spent the country’s last $25 on a bit of a treat for First Dad Clarke in these difficult times.  The Waterton Chronicle understands that after spending the last two weeks desperately trying to completely drain the Treasury’s coffers as quickly as possible, the part-time hijab and hugs … Continue reading Jacinda Spends NZ’s Last $25 On Maccas Family Meal Box

“Mandarin Not Just A Fruit In NZ Now”, Says Jacinda

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As the apparently suddenly endless supply of free money continues to fly around New Zealand, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has been quick to put to rest any ideas that the country will get out of this absolute mess without help from her Chinese overlords, The Waterton Chronicle has learned.  Right about the time the government somehow managed to … Continue reading “Mandarin Not Just A Fruit In NZ Now”, Says Jacinda

Supercars: Panelbeaters Everywhere Lobby For Actual Reverse Grid Races

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Panelbeaters across the Commonwealth are uniting to campaign for Supercars to introduce reverse grid races at every race of the actual, real life, Supercars championship, for “reasons”.  The Waterton Chronicle spoke to Waterton panelbeater Wayne Hammersmith (48) who explained that times have been tough.  “Times have been tough.” he explained.  “People aren’t driving their cars as much due … Continue reading Supercars: Panelbeaters Everywhere Lobby For Actual Reverse Grid Races

Supercars: “If I Don’t Do Quali, I Can’t Be Last” Says Marcos Ambrose

With the fourth round of the BP Supercars All Stars E-Series heading to e-America tonight, Marcos Ambrose is confident his strategy of just not turning up for qualifying will pay off, somehow.  Eyebrows were raised when Marcos was a no show in the qualifying session tonight, but the Tasmanian and massive Greg Murphy fan has cleared things up in a revealing couple of comments made … Continue reading Supercars: “If I Don’t Do Quali, I Can’t Be Last” Says Marcos Ambrose

Supercars: iRacing Fast-tracks “Streetfighter II Turbo” Minigame Ahead Of Ambrose Cameo

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Reports are coming in that iRacing has hastily integrated 90s classic “Streetfighter II Turbo” into the simulator, apparently in an effort to increase the realism ahead of Marcos Ambrose’s appearance in the BP Supercars All Stars E-Series tomorrow.  “When we were made aware late last week that Marcos (Ambrose) would be participating, we realised he would probably miss … Continue reading Supercars: iRacing Fast-tracks “Streetfighter II Turbo” Minigame Ahead Of Ambrose Cameo

China Annexes North Korea in Hilarious Weekend At Bernies Crossover

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT “Welcome to North Korea.” said Kim Jong Un to this reporter, despite his lips not moving, and in fluent Chinese.  Come to think of it, his wave was kind of strange too, seemingly led by his nylon rope wristband. Our sports writers did reach out to Dennis Rodman, who noted his famous friend-come-despotic dictator seemed to be acting … Continue reading China Annexes North Korea in Hilarious Weekend At Bernies Crossover

F1: Social Media Decides Charles Leclerc Is “Overrated”, Sebastian Vettel Agrees

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With absolutely nothing happening on the track so far this year, F1 fans have resorted to keeping themselves vaguely entertained by getting involved in arguments with complete strangers about which driver they think is the best, worst, underrated, overrated, funny or not funny.  And the results are in. For some reason social media thinks that Charles Leclerc is … Continue reading F1: Social Media Decides Charles Leclerc Is “Overrated”, Sebastian Vettel Agrees