“Plenty More Fish In The Sea” Says Apparently Single Former First Dad Clarke

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Alleged Former First Dad Clarke Gayford has tonight broken his silence, in the hope that others will learn from his mistakes. Speaking exclusively to The Waterton Chronicle, former First Dad and full time fisherman, and now just full time fisherman Clarke Gayford tells his side of the story.  “Yeah man, like, I’d just got back from another tax-payer … Continue reading “Plenty More Fish In The Sea” Says Apparently Single Former First Dad Clarke

Supercars: Nick Percat “Loving” The New Tyre Rules

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Following two race meetings in a row where Nick Percat won one race by running all his good tyres in one go, and then battled with the likes of Jack Smith for 20th place in the other two races, the BJR driver is for some reason a bit of a fan of Supercars’ efforts to artificially create ‘parity’ … Continue reading Supercars: Nick Percat “Loving” The New Tyre Rules

First Dad Clarke Takes Nanny State Thing Too Far, Fxxks The Nanny

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Apparently being a stay-at-home dad with a taxpayer-funded Nanny is a bit much for some people to handle.  In the case of the self-proclaimed First Dad, Clarke Gayford, the question was allegedly never really “if” but “when”. “I mean, in my defence, she spends all day Zoom chatting with China about fun new ways to fxxk New Zealand.” … Continue reading First Dad Clarke Takes Nanny State Thing Too Far, Fxxks The Nanny

NZ: Northland Under Water, Jacinda Drowning In Her Own Self-Worship

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As residents of all colours, backgrounds and classes come together to help each other clean up after what Jacinda’s own media outlet (TV New Zealand) called a “1 in 500 year event”, El Presidente apparently decided there was nothing to be gained personally from turning up to have a look at the destruction.  After saying last week that … Continue reading NZ: Northland Under Water, Jacinda Drowning In Her Own Self-Worship

Supercars: Scott McLaughlin To Run Dodgy Cheap Retreads After Successful Parity Pelican Trial

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Following a successful weekend for Supercars’ Head of Outcomes Paulie the Parity Pelican, that saw the best driver/team pairing on the grid only win one race out of three, the giant seabird has announced tonight a new initiative to ensure “parity” in the former competition.  Speaking exclusively to The Waterton Chronicle, Paulie said the new initiative was all … Continue reading Supercars: Scott McLaughlin To Run Dodgy Cheap Retreads After Successful Parity Pelican Trial

Supercars: Paulie The Parity Pelican Hopes Scotty Fails COVID Test

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With yet another race being won by that peskily-talented Penske driver Scott McLaughlin tonight, Head of Outcomes at Supercars, Paulie the Parity Pelican, is apparently becoming more and more skittish, and difficult to be around.  “It doesn’t make any sense. We tried everything under the sun to break that kid and stop him winning. And still he persists!” … Continue reading Supercars: Paulie The Parity Pelican Hopes Scotty Fails COVID Test

NZ: Jacinda Cultists Suffer Collective Stroke As Judith Collins Takes Over National Party

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Jacinda Ardern cultists all over New Zealand are tonight trying to work out whether they should be attacking newly-appointed National Party leader Judith “Crusher” Collins – who like their esteemed leader, is a white woman, mother, politician, and also grew up in a small town – or whether that might be a bit sexist, racist, misogynistic, and/or bigoted.  … Continue reading NZ: Jacinda Cultists Suffer Collective Stroke As Judith Collins Takes Over National Party

Clinton Suffers From Writer’s Block Coming Up With Ghislaine Maxwell’s Suicide Note

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Ghislaine Maxwell sits in a prison cell contemplating a future devoid of hunting for vulnerable children to traffick to influential billionaires and politicians to make herself feel better about being a giant c**t, former Secretary of State and still somehow Bill’s wife, Hillary is apparently struggling to come up with a quality suicide note for “cheeky GeeGee” … Continue reading Clinton Suffers From Writer’s Block Coming Up With Ghislaine Maxwell’s Suicide Note

F1: Williams Alleges Ferrari Stole Design, Seeks Money

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT In a shocking turn of events, Williams F1 has apparently noticed similarities between it’s cars of the last few years and the 2020 Ferrari, and put two and two together to work out that Ferrari is obviously copying them.  “We noticed pretty early on that the car (the Ferrari) looked pretty shxt. Which led to us going back … Continue reading F1: Williams Alleges Ferrari Stole Design, Seeks Money

F1: “It’s A Ferrari!” Says Ferrari, “It’s A Sh*tbox!” Says Carlos Sainz

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Ferrari continues to be fantastically slower than they were last year for “reasons”, but definitely not because they were cheating, Carlos Sainz Jr is apparently binge-watching the movie Rush in an attempt to learn how Niki Lauda managed to turn a sh*tbox Ferrari into something vaguely capable of resembling a proper racing car.  The current McLaren driver … Continue reading F1: “It’s A Ferrari!” Says Ferrari, “It’s A Sh*tbox!” Says Carlos Sainz