Supercars: Hampton Downs Event Rebranded To “Fyre Festival 2.0” As Logistical Issues Pile Up

In a shocking announcement today, Supercars has announced that the ANZAC weekend event in New Zealand has been rebranded as Fyre Festival 2.0 after the so-called organisation lost track of just how many logistical issues it faces in trying to host the event at Hampton Downs.  Having been caught out late last year apparently unaware just how much of a quiet, entertainment-free nation New Zealand … Continue reading Supercars: Hampton Downs Event Rebranded To “Fyre Festival 2.0” As Logistical Issues Pile Up

Supercars Announces Plan To Make Sure Triple 8’s “Talent” Doesn’t Lose This Year

After failing to gift Triple 8 another championship win in 2019 despite their best efforts, Supercars has today announced a comprehensive strategy to make sure the same thing doesn’t happen in 2020.  Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican explained that the organisation had already achieved Step One in it’s five step plan to make Triple 8 win again.  “Yeah with Scotty McLaughln heading to … Continue reading Supercars Announces Plan To Make Sure Triple 8’s “Talent” Doesn’t Lose This Year

F1: Chinese Grand Prix Moved To Christmas Island Amid Corona-Virus Fears

With basically all of China on Christmas Island in an entirely different kind of island occupation, the FIA has today announced that the Chinese Grand Prix will now take place on a hastily set up track utilising the runway and several taxiways.  Thankfully, for those that enjoy watching a race with no chance of anyone passing anyone else, Herman Tilke was flown in to preside … Continue reading F1: Chinese Grand Prix Moved To Christmas Island Amid Corona-Virus Fears

Supercars Investigating Whether Scott McLaughlin Let Kangaroos Out

After Triple 8 failed to win the Bathurst 12 Hour race on Sunday, Supercars are reportedly having a look at whether they can pin the loss on Scott McLaughlin somehow.  The Waterton Sports Chronicle understands that Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican has launched the investigation after Triple 8 didn’t win the race.  The move comes after Supercars already issued a grid penalty to … Continue reading Supercars Investigating Whether Scott McLaughlin Let Kangaroos Out

Fernando Alonso Buys Honda Civic

In a shockingly obvious attempt to avoid unemployment, Fernando Alonso has today bought a Honda Civic Type R.  The drama unfolded at around 10am this morning when one of The Waterton Sports Chronicle’s reporters just happened to be at a local Honda dealership.  “Yeah it wasn’t pretty to be honest. Fernando walked into a full on wasps nest really.” said our reporter on the scene … Continue reading Fernando Alonso Buys Honda Civic

Triple 8 To Sue Bathurst Kangaroos Following 12 Hour Loss

In an unprecedented but not entirely surprising move, Triple 8 has announced today that it is planning to sue the kangaroos that disrupted a practice session at the Bathurst 12 Hour event over the weekend.  The announcement comes after a mob of three or four kangaroos decided to go for a hop around the circuit during Practice 5, causing a massive traffic jam on Mountain … Continue reading Triple 8 To Sue Bathurst Kangaroos Following 12 Hour Loss

Canto Pioneers New “Drive-Through Stewards Hearing” Approach At Bathurst 12 Hour

With the Bathurst 12 Hour race done for another year, and Channel 7 once again managing to squeeze at least 8 hours of ads into a 12 hour event, Dean Canto surely has to be the winner of the “Ace Ventura ‘Like A Glove’” award for this year.  Like almost everyone else in the field, during qualifying Canto dropped it at McPhillamy and headed straight … Continue reading Canto Pioneers New “Drive-Through Stewards Hearing” Approach At Bathurst 12 Hour

BREAKING: Supercars Issues Penalty To Scott McLaughlin For Bathurst 12 Hour “Violation”

Apparently still not over the fact Triple 8 lost again, Supercars has today decided to dish out another penalty to Scott McLaughlin, this time in the form of a grid penalty for this weekends Bathurst 12 Hour.  The fact that Scotty isn’t even competing in the event didn’t seem to bother Supercars, who decided that his failure to turn up for scrutineering this morning warrants … Continue reading BREAKING: Supercars Issues Penalty To Scott McLaughlin For Bathurst 12 Hour “Violation”

Paulie The Parity Pelican Looking Forward To 12 Full Hours Of Dishing Out Penalties

With the Bathurst 12 Hour set to kick off this weekend, Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican is doing some last minute nit-picking through the rulebook to make sure him and his team of absolute pelicans don’t miss a single opportunity to throw a random penalty at someone.  When The Waterton Sports Chronicle spoke to Paulie, he explained that he and his team take … Continue reading Paulie The Parity Pelican Looking Forward To 12 Full Hours Of Dishing Out Penalties

Every Actual Motorsport Fan Wishes Nico Rosberg Would Just Fuck Off, Study Finds.

A study carried out in a hasty fashion by Waterton University of Technology (WUT) today has determined that Nico Rosberg is a fuckwit.  The conclusion comes after Rosberg decided once again to have a crack at the establishment of Formula One, apparently still not understanding that his entire reason for existing is dependent on Formula One.  “I’m still driving.” Nico said as he sipped cautiously … Continue reading Every Actual Motorsport Fan Wishes Nico Rosberg Would Just Fuck Off, Study Finds.