Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT After spending all year campaigning to “end racism”, and making everyone feel like shxt for just wanting to spend a couple of hours on a Sunday free from politics so they can watch some racing cars, F1 money-grubs Liberty Media have done it again. For reasons officially unknown, but unofficially kind of obvious, the Monopoly Men decided that … Continue reading F1: Drivers To Don Burqa’s, Stone Some Rape Victims Pre-Race In Saudi Arabia

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Helmut Marko’s finger gets closer and closer to Alex Albon’s launch button with every passing day, the “Thai” driver has apparently taken a leaf out of another soon to be former F1 driver’s book (Romain Grosjean), and blamed another former F1 driver, Marcus Ericsson, for the incident that saw Alex Albon finish ahead of Max Verstappen. The … Continue reading F1: “Ericsson Hit Me!” Says Albon After Dropping It Again

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With the announcement overnight that the South  Australian Government has cancelled the Adelaide 500 Supercars race, serial killers all over the so-called “City of Churches” are collectively freaking out over the sudden drop in targets.  The Waterton Chronicle sent a reporter to investigate the situation.  “We’re really worried to be honest.” Malcolm (48), a cooper by trade, explained.  … Continue reading Supercars: SA Govt Removes Last Remaining Excuse For Anyone To Voluntarily Visit Adelaide

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Scotty McLaughlin’s first actual race in Indycar ended in a bit of a crash, which sources familiar with the situation have claimed may have been caused by a pelican distracting the Indycar rookie with a “bit of a flash” at turn 8. It appears the Parity Squadron are still not over the fact that Scotty might actually just … Continue reading Supercars: Parity Pelican Unfortunately Avoids Mishap At Scotty’s First Indy Practice

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT There’s quite the shxtstorm going down on social media tonight after former Holden, Volvo and more recently Ford driver Scott McLaughlin made his debut in Indycars overnight, and binned it in a car he barely knows, on a track he turned up to for the first time three days before the race.  Reports are coming in that the … Continue reading Supercars: Holden Idiots Crack Tiny Woody’s After Scotty McLaughlin Bins It

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT In absolutely shocking news coming out of Portugal, Lewis Hamilton has won the latest Formula One race at Portimao Algarve.  In a slightly chaotic first few minutes of a race that ended up with Bottas and Verstappen rounding out the podium behind Lewis Hamilton for the first time since last week, the only driver who showed any semblance … Continue reading F1: Lewis Hamilton Shocks Everyone With Rare Win

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Reports are coming in that the pelicans running Supercars may have taken a leaf out of the AFL’s increasingly voluminous book of insanity, and dug up a piece of The Cutting at Bathurst to send to Florida ahead of Scotty’s debut in the Indycar Series.  The news comes as Roger Penske all too predictably announced he’s fleeing the … Continue reading Supercars: Piece Of “Hallowed” Bathurst Tarmac Sent To Florida

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As the dust settles on yet another Kiwi winning Bathurst, attention has apparently turned to what the fxxk Whincup was thinking.  With only about five and a half hours remaining in the race, Whincup took the obvious option of trying to pass the notoriously compliant Brodie Kostecki on the outside of the cutting in what Jamie has described … Continue reading Supercars: Whincup Reviews Footage Of Giant Bathurst Fxxkup, Remains Defiant

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Reports are coming in that Triple 8 boss Roland Dane may have recalled the squadron of Parity Pelicans currently enroute to Florida, so that they can attend an emergency meeting to discuss the lengths to which they’re willing to go to ensure the Camaro wins in it’s debut season in 2022. The Waterton Chronicle understands Mr Dane is … Continue reading Supercars: Roland Recalls Parity Pelicans To Discuss Camaro

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With the Supercars season over, and after a big night on the bubbly, celebrating Macauley Jones taking out his team mate and subsequently ruining Scotty McLaughlin’s race, Supercars’ squadron of Parity Pelicans took to the skies in the early hours of this morning, bound for St Petersburg, Florida.  The Waterton Chronicle understands the decidedly dusty group were initially … Continue reading Supercars: Squadron Of Parity Pelicans Runs Into Trouble On Way To Florida