Big Tits, Small Skills: How To Buy A Porsche In Three Days: The Inside Story Of Renee Gracie

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT In a Waterton Chronicle exclusive, we examine how former racing driver Renee Gracie transitioned from driving racing cars to getting drilled by randoms on camera for money and back again.  “Basically, I’ve made a shxt load of money on OnlyFans, despite the Indians trying to steal me for their own gain, so I did what anyone who enjoys … Continue reading Big Tits, Small Skills: How To Buy A Porsche In Three Days: The Inside Story Of Renee Gracie

Supercars: Nick Percat “Loving” The New Tyre Rules

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Following two race meetings in a row where Nick Percat won one race by running all his good tyres in one go, and then battled with the likes of Jack Smith for 20th place in the other two races, the BJR driver is for some reason a bit of a fan of Supercars’ efforts to artificially create ‘parity’ … Continue reading Supercars: Nick Percat “Loving” The New Tyre Rules

Supercars: Scott McLaughlin To Run Dodgy Cheap Retreads After Successful Parity Pelican Trial

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Following a successful weekend for Supercars’ Head of Outcomes Paulie the Parity Pelican, that saw the best driver/team pairing on the grid only win one race out of three, the giant seabird has announced tonight a new initiative to ensure “parity” in the former competition.  Speaking exclusively to The Waterton Chronicle, Paulie said the new initiative was all … Continue reading Supercars: Scott McLaughlin To Run Dodgy Cheap Retreads After Successful Parity Pelican Trial

Supercars: Paulie The Parity Pelican Hopes Scotty Fails COVID Test

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With yet another race being won by that peskily-talented Penske driver Scott McLaughlin tonight, Head of Outcomes at Supercars, Paulie the Parity Pelican, is apparently becoming more and more skittish, and difficult to be around.  “It doesn’t make any sense. We tried everything under the sun to break that kid and stop him winning. And still he persists!” … Continue reading Supercars: Paulie The Parity Pelican Hopes Scotty Fails COVID Test

F1: Williams Alleges Ferrari Stole Design, Seeks Money

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT In a shocking turn of events, Williams F1 has apparently noticed similarities between it’s cars of the last few years and the 2020 Ferrari, and put two and two together to work out that Ferrari is obviously copying them.  “We noticed pretty early on that the car (the Ferrari) looked pretty shxt. Which led to us going back … Continue reading F1: Williams Alleges Ferrari Stole Design, Seeks Money

F1: “It’s A Ferrari!” Says Ferrari, “It’s A Sh*tbox!” Says Carlos Sainz

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Ferrari continues to be fantastically slower than they were last year for “reasons”, but definitely not because they were cheating, Carlos Sainz Jr is apparently binge-watching the movie Rush in an attempt to learn how Niki Lauda managed to turn a sh*tbox Ferrari into something vaguely capable of resembling a proper racing car.  The current McLaren driver … Continue reading F1: “It’s A Ferrari!” Says Ferrari, “It’s A Sh*tbox!” Says Carlos Sainz

F1: Lewis Hamilton To Wear Two Gold-Plated Padlock Necklaces At Next Race After Copping Penalty

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Following a chaotic return to actual racing in Austria yesterday that saw the whitest person on the grid, Valtteri Bottas, win the race ahead of fellow white men Charles Leclerc and Lando Norris, Lewis Hamilton has apparently commissioned his personal jeweller back in Monte Carlo to urgently hand-craft another gold-plated chain and padlock necklace to bolster his battle … Continue reading F1: Lewis Hamilton To Wear Two Gold-Plated Padlock Necklaces At Next Race After Copping Penalty

F1: “Is Ferrari The New Williams?” Eddie Jordan Asks

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Formula 1 is only a couple of hours away from getting underway for the season proper, perennial idiot Eddie Jordan has once again popped his head up.  Speaking from behind a mask of broken dreams and opportunities lost, the former team owner cum media commentator told The Waterton Chronicle he reckons no one will ever want to … Continue reading F1: “Is Ferrari The New Williams?” Eddie Jordan Asks

Mercedes F1 Team “Relishes Opportunity” To Return To Driving Around In Black, Telling Everyone What To Do.

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Formula One gets set to return to the track this weekend, Mercedes AMG Petronas F1 is reportedly “excited” at the prospect of having black cars once again driving around carrying people in black uniforms telling other people what to do.  “We haven’t had an opportunity like this since around the mid-1930s. So we’re pretty excited really.” A … Continue reading Mercedes F1 Team “Relishes Opportunity” To Return To Driving Around In Black, Telling Everyone What To Do.

Lewis Hamilton Demands Ferrari Stop Using “Racist” Livery

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Following his successful campaign to get former enthusiastic supplier to Hitler’s Wehrmacht, Mercedes, to show they’re not actually racist afterall by splashing a bit of black paint on their Formula 1 cars, Lewis Hamilton is now calling on Ferrari to stop using the colour red, as that’s apparently racist too. The Waterton Chronicle spoke exclusively to the 6-time … Continue reading Lewis Hamilton Demands Ferrari Stop Using “Racist” Livery