Richmond To Replace Groping With Traditional Australian Hug, Kiss, Lick Or A Bit Of A Dry Root

Mark Lewis | Roving Reporter | CONTACT Richmond Football Club have announced a new clubroom celebration policy in light of a recent groping scandal that has rocked the AFL side. The club were forced to change their celebrations after cameras in the changerooms caught several players groping each other, which led to much pearl-clutching by a handful of Twitter users. The Tigers have stated that … Continue reading Richmond To Replace Groping With Traditional Australian Hug, Kiss, Lick Or A Bit Of A Dry Root

Supercars: Tears Of Holden Supporters To Be Sprayed On Track In Bid To Enforce Parity

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As the so-called “organisation” (a loose term) running Supercars looks for ways to make the series even vaguely interesting again, like back in the day when it was about racing, the pelicans running the show have come up with yet another bird-brain scheme they reckon will bring back actual racing, and actual racing fans. As the pelicans flap … Continue reading Supercars: Tears Of Holden Supporters To Be Sprayed On Track In Bid To Enforce Parity

Supercars: Pit Lane Release Rules “Clarified” Following Whincup Debacle

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Tony Robinson and his Time Team archaeologists continue to dig, looking for the remains of the once great series, Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican, following instructions from Triple 8 boss Roland Dane, has clarified the rules and procedures around releasing cars in pit lane.  Following the ruling during race 3 at the Darwin Triple Crown … Continue reading Supercars: Pit Lane Release Rules “Clarified” Following Whincup Debacle

Supercars Fans Call In Archaeologists To Investigate Demise Of Series

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Following the absolute clusterfxxk of a race that happened at Darwin today, where for reasons no one can explain to anyone, James Courtney managed to finish second, and those who copped pit lane penalties somehow managed to finish ahead of those who only copped time penalties, a group of old school fans have enlisted the help of Tony … Continue reading Supercars Fans Call In Archaeologists To Investigate Demise Of Series

F1: Lewis Hamilton Says COVID Mask Is “Oppressive, And A Bit Racist Man”

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Six time Formula One World Champion, BLM enforcer, and fulltime virtue signaller Lewis Hamilton has apparently decided that he is more equal than any of the other people in the sport, and therefore can just take off his COVID mask any time he wants.  The news comes following his Mercedes team’s decision to metaphorically bend Lewis’ teammate Valterri … Continue reading F1: Lewis Hamilton Says COVID Mask Is “Oppressive, And A Bit Racist Man”

Supercars: Head Of Supercars “Upbeat” As New Manufacturers Hinted

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Just as it was looking like Supercars might be destined to become The “Mustang” Cup, the pelicans running the series have apparently been thrown a lifeline overnight, with rumours swirling that several manufacturers are set to join Ford from 2021.  After taking a serious hit last year when Holden tried to pretend front wheel drive Opel’s were in … Continue reading Supercars: Head Of Supercars “Upbeat” As New Manufacturers Hinted

F1: Lewis Hamilton Expecting “Adversity” At Silverstone Despite Being A Second Quicker Than Anyone Else

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Gravely oppressed and persecuted multi-millionaire rapper, fashion designer, tax evader, BLM protester, knee-taker, fxxker of supermodels and popstars, aspiring dictator and part time Formula One driver Lewis Hamilton has sought to further cement the idea that he is discriminated against by the Formula One establishment, with the multi-racial manchild claiming he’d be even quicker if he was white.  … Continue reading F1: Lewis Hamilton Expecting “Adversity” At Silverstone Despite Being A Second Quicker Than Anyone Else

Supercars: Parity Pelicans Testing Scotty McLaughlin For COVID Every Five Minutes

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As the relentless pursuit of finding ways to stop the best teams and drivers from offending everyone else by winning in what is supposed to be a competition continues, the pelicans allegedly running Supercars have come up with another strategy to give all the slow people a chance to feel good for a moment or two.  As DJR … Continue reading Supercars: Parity Pelicans Testing Scotty McLaughlin For COVID Every Five Minutes

Motorsport: Porsche Carrera Cup Introduces Compulsory Airbags Ahead Of Renee Gracie Re-Entry

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Ahead of Renee Gracie’s transition back from getting drilled to drilling walls again, the pelicans running motorsport in Australia have announced a new initiative aimed at ensuring everyone is equal, regardless of talent.  “What we realised with Renee turning up again, is that she might have an unfair advantage compared to the others in terms of safety in … Continue reading Motorsport: Porsche Carrera Cup Introduces Compulsory Airbags Ahead Of Renee Gracie Re-Entry

Renee Gracie Announces New Porsche Racing Team Name

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Following the news that Renee Gracie has decided to give hanging around the back of the field and randomly and often inexplicably sampling tyre barriers and concrete walls another crack, the OnlyFans star has today revealed the name of her new racing team.  In an apparent nod to the “roots” of the team, Gracie has revealed that her … Continue reading Renee Gracie Announces New Porsche Racing Team Name