Kanye Deemed “More Sane” Than Trump Or Biden, WUT Study Finds

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As speculation continues to mount that years of dealing with the Kardashian/Jenner clan might have finally taken its toll on Kanye, an indepth Waterton University of Technology (WUT) study into the situation has revealed that the billionaire rapper might actually be “sane”, at least when compared to his main Presidential rivals.  The study, headed up by WUT Professor … Continue reading Kanye Deemed “More Sane” Than Trump Or Biden, WUT Study Finds

Premier Dan Andrews Offers Baby Pandas To Victorians Who Do What They’re Told

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Victoria continues to build its case for being removed entirely from Australia, Premier Dan has today come up with a novel way to hopefully marginally disrupt the spread of COVID-19 in the communist outpost.  Despite weeks of basically begging people to do what they’re told, for some reason strategies like hiring a bunch of idiots to run … Continue reading Premier Dan Andrews Offers Baby Pandas To Victorians Who Do What They’re Told

“Plenty More Fish In The Sea” Says Apparently Single Former First Dad Clarke

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Alleged Former First Dad Clarke Gayford has tonight broken his silence, in the hope that others will learn from his mistakes. Speaking exclusively to The Waterton Chronicle, former First Dad and full time fisherman, and now just full time fisherman Clarke Gayford tells his side of the story.  “Yeah man, like, I’d just got back from another tax-payer … Continue reading “Plenty More Fish In The Sea” Says Apparently Single Former First Dad Clarke

First Dad Clarke Takes Nanny State Thing Too Far, Fxxks The Nanny

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Apparently being a stay-at-home dad with a taxpayer-funded Nanny is a bit much for some people to handle.  In the case of the self-proclaimed First Dad, Clarke Gayford, the question was allegedly never really “if” but “when”. “I mean, in my defence, she spends all day Zoom chatting with China about fun new ways to fxxk New Zealand.” … Continue reading First Dad Clarke Takes Nanny State Thing Too Far, Fxxks The Nanny

NZ: Northland Under Water, Jacinda Drowning In Her Own Self-Worship

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As residents of all colours, backgrounds and classes come together to help each other clean up after what Jacinda’s own media outlet (TV New Zealand) called a “1 in 500 year event”, El Presidente apparently decided there was nothing to be gained personally from turning up to have a look at the destruction.  After saying last week that … Continue reading NZ: Northland Under Water, Jacinda Drowning In Her Own Self-Worship

NZ: Jacinda Cultists Suffer Collective Stroke As Judith Collins Takes Over National Party

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Jacinda Ardern cultists all over New Zealand are tonight trying to work out whether they should be attacking newly-appointed National Party leader Judith “Crusher” Collins – who like their esteemed leader, is a white woman, mother, politician, and also grew up in a small town – or whether that might be a bit sexist, racist, misogynistic, and/or bigoted.  … Continue reading NZ: Jacinda Cultists Suffer Collective Stroke As Judith Collins Takes Over National Party

Clinton Suffers From Writer’s Block Coming Up With Ghislaine Maxwell’s Suicide Note

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Ghislaine Maxwell sits in a prison cell contemplating a future devoid of hunting for vulnerable children to traffick to influential billionaires and politicians to make herself feel better about being a giant c**t, former Secretary of State and still somehow Bill’s wife, Hillary is apparently struggling to come up with a quality suicide note for “cheeky GeeGee” … Continue reading Clinton Suffers From Writer’s Block Coming Up With Ghislaine Maxwell’s Suicide Note

Premier Dan Andrews Rolls Over, Goes Straight To Sleep After Fxxking Victoria

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Victoria continues to excel in it’s relentless mission to become even more of a national laughing stock than it was pre-COVID19, reports are coming in that Premier Dan Andrews isn’t a big fan of pillowtalk.   The news comes after the throbbing member for Mulgrave left Victoria feeling a mixture of deep dissatisfaction and regret after being royally … Continue reading Premier Dan Andrews Rolls Over, Goes Straight To Sleep After Fxxking Victoria

Australian Police To Consult Facebook Comment Sections Before Dealing With Violent Offenders

Tony Henderson | Crime Reporter | CONTACT Several Australian Police jurisdictions announced today that they will be implementing a revolutionary new policy in regards to policing techniques. In the wake of recent protests around alleged Police brutality, Police will now be required to consult the comments section of their relevant social media pages before dealing with violent offenders. Although officers have expressed concern that this … Continue reading Australian Police To Consult Facebook Comment Sections Before Dealing With Violent Offenders

“If You’re Going To Fxxk A Quarantine Security Guard, Wear A Mask” Premier Dan Andrews Urges.

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Victoria’s COVID-19 catastrophe continues, Premier Dan Andrews has urged recent arrivals in mandatory quarantine to do what is right, to do their civic duty, and at least consider wearing a mask if they’re going to fxxk the security guards.  The news comes after it was revealed today that guests in the state’s quarantine hotels have apparently been … Continue reading “If You’re Going To Fxxk A Quarantine Security Guard, Wear A Mask” Premier Dan Andrews Urges.