Premier Dan Andrews Rolls Over, Goes Straight To Sleep After Fxxking Victoria

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Victoria continues to excel in it’s relentless mission to become even more of a national laughing stock than it was pre-COVID19, reports are coming in that Premier Dan Andrews isn’t a big fan of pillowtalk.   The news comes after the throbbing member for Mulgrave left Victoria feeling a mixture of deep dissatisfaction and regret after being royally … Continue reading Premier Dan Andrews Rolls Over, Goes Straight To Sleep After Fxxking Victoria

Australian Police To Consult Facebook Comment Sections Before Dealing With Violent Offenders

Tony Henderson | Crime Reporter | CONTACT Several Australian Police jurisdictions announced today that they will be implementing a revolutionary new policy in regards to policing techniques. In the wake of recent protests around alleged Police brutality, Police will now be required to consult the comments section of their relevant social media pages before dealing with violent offenders. Although officers have expressed concern that this … Continue reading Australian Police To Consult Facebook Comment Sections Before Dealing With Violent Offenders

“If You’re Going To Fxxk A Quarantine Security Guard, Wear A Mask” Premier Dan Andrews Urges.

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Victoria’s COVID-19 catastrophe continues, Premier Dan Andrews has urged recent arrivals in mandatory quarantine to do what is right, to do their civic duty, and at least consider wearing a mask if they’re going to fxxk the security guards.  The news comes after it was revealed today that guests in the state’s quarantine hotels have apparently been … Continue reading “If You’re Going To Fxxk A Quarantine Security Guard, Wear A Mask” Premier Dan Andrews Urges.

Victoria Announces New Slogan Amid COVID Chaos

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Victoria continues to work relentlessly to cement its place as the basket-case state of Australia, Premier His Exaltedness Comrade Dan Andrews unveiled a new slogan for the Chinese-administered enclave today.  The new slogan, which according to Comrade Dan only cost “around $20 million” to design and test, and went through a “rigorous” approval process with the state’s … Continue reading Victoria Announces New Slogan Amid COVID Chaos

El Presidente Jacinda Says We Can Go To Europe If We Want, But Don’t Bother Coming Back

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As New Zealand’s descent into full-on banana republic continues, El Presidente Jacinda has today shown great compassion and kindness by allowing anyone who wants to leave the glorious island nation to just go, without the threat of being shot.  Our glorious leader announced the Presidential Decree this morning from atop the slide she had built to honour First … Continue reading El Presidente Jacinda Says We Can Go To Europe If We Want, But Don’t Bother Coming Back

Dan Andrews Says “Everything Is Not Fine, But Ramadan Is Not To Blame, Because That’s A Bit Racist”.

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Newly-self-decreed “Premier for Life” Dan Andrews has today reassured Victorians that while hundreds of mass-gatherings related to Ramadan in His Excellency’s glorious newly-formed Chinese administration, The People’s Republic of Victoria, are technically to blame for the CCP foothold becoming the laughing stock of the rest of the country, people should stop saying such racist things and instead blame … Continue reading Dan Andrews Says “Everything Is Not Fine, But Ramadan Is Not To Blame, Because That’s A Bit Racist”.

Dan Andrews Says “Everything Is Fine, Trust Me, Fellow Comrades”

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Victoria continues to do absolutely nothing to dispel rumours that it may have become the “third system” in China’s ever-growing portfolio of “systems” around the world, Victorian Premier Dan Andrews has moved quickly to calm the peasants, in the hope that they’ll all just stay at home and stop being racist.  “My fellow Victorians, it is your … Continue reading Dan Andrews Says “Everything Is Fine, Trust Me, Fellow Comrades”

Jacinda Ardern Orders All Labour MPs To Immediately Get Prego As Popularity Dips

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As questions over what the fxxk is going on with the quarantine situation continue to be given the classic Jacinda “we can just dismiss” treatment, our glorious leader has today come up with what she thinks will be an election-winning strategy.  Following last night’s latest ‘Colmar Brunton We Definitely Asked 7 People And At Least 3 Were Not … Continue reading Jacinda Ardern Orders All Labour MPs To Immediately Get Prego As Popularity Dips

Premier Dan Andrews Starts OnlyFans Stream So Everyone Can Watch Him Fxxk Victoria

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT After watching Renee Gracie’s OnlyFans stream, Victorian Premier Dan Andrews saw an opportunity to make a bit of money on the side for the next election campaign while simultaneously giving everyone an opportunity to watch him personally fxxk every single Victorian, reports are suggesting.  According to sources, Chinese ambassador and occasional Premier, Dan “the Throbbing Member for Mulgrave” … Continue reading Premier Dan Andrews Starts OnlyFans Stream So Everyone Can Watch Him Fxxk Victoria

“I’m Only Responsible If It Makes Me Look Good” Says Jacinda

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As New Zealanders struggle to work out why we bothered staying at home and/or queue for hours for toilet paper and noodles for five weeks if the government is just going to let randoms infected with COVID-19 turn up and tiki tour around the North Island anyway, El Presidente Jacinda Ardern has explained what we all suspected.  “Yeah. … Continue reading “I’m Only Responsible If It Makes Me Look Good” Says Jacinda