Entire Western World Collapses As President Trump Bans TikTok

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Shocking scenes are emerging in bedrooms across the USA tonight following Trump’s announcement that popular self-wankfest app TikTok is set to be banned.  In a welcome respite from the actual carnage happening on the streets of Philadelphia and other important cities, parents of children who think their lives are tough at least know where their kids are this … Continue reading Entire Western World Collapses As President Trump Bans TikTok

Comrade Cindy Contemplates Making Elections Illegal

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT In a sure sign that the people are about to get what they deserve, Prime Minister of New Zealand, global sweetheart, and recently single mum Jacinda Ardern has adopted what absolutely anyone with half a brain is calling “a bit of a weird strategy”.  Six weeks out from an election, the standard strategy of even the most questionable … Continue reading Comrade Cindy Contemplates Making Elections Illegal

WUT Closes Indefinitely After All Professors Cancelled

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As the entire western world busy’s itself with making sure no one offends anyone with old fashioned ideas like disagreeing with idiotic opinions in a civil manner instead of just setting fire to innocent people’s property, the equality continues to flow fast and free on campus at the Waterton University of Technology (WUT).  After a couple of incidents … Continue reading WUT Closes Indefinitely After All Professors Cancelled

Jacinda’s Approval Rating Hits An Unprecedented 526%, With A Little Help From Some Friends

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Despite dismally failing in all of her 2017 pre-election promises, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern is somehow polling hundreds of percentage points above any of her opponents, in what kinda looks a bit like a banana republic being born.  The poll, which The Waterton Chronicle understands was conducted in a secret location, by invitation only, and with … Continue reading Jacinda’s Approval Rating Hits An Unprecedented 526%, With A Little Help From Some Friends

Kanye Deemed “More Sane” Than Trump Or Biden, WUT Study Finds

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As speculation continues to mount that years of dealing with the Kardashian/Jenner clan might have finally taken its toll on Kanye, an indepth Waterton University of Technology (WUT) study into the situation has revealed that the billionaire rapper might actually be “sane”, at least when compared to his main Presidential rivals.  The study, headed up by WUT Professor … Continue reading Kanye Deemed “More Sane” Than Trump Or Biden, WUT Study Finds

Premier Dan Andrews Offers Baby Pandas To Victorians Who Do What They’re Told

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As Victoria continues to build its case for being removed entirely from Australia, Premier Dan has today come up with a novel way to hopefully marginally disrupt the spread of COVID-19 in the communist outpost.  Despite weeks of basically begging people to do what they’re told, for some reason strategies like hiring a bunch of idiots to run … Continue reading Premier Dan Andrews Offers Baby Pandas To Victorians Who Do What They’re Told

“Plenty More Fish In The Sea” Says Apparently Single Former First Dad Clarke

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Alleged Former First Dad Clarke Gayford has tonight broken his silence, in the hope that others will learn from his mistakes. Speaking exclusively to The Waterton Chronicle, former First Dad and full time fisherman, and now just full time fisherman Clarke Gayford tells his side of the story.  “Yeah man, like, I’d just got back from another tax-payer … Continue reading “Plenty More Fish In The Sea” Says Apparently Single Former First Dad Clarke

First Dad Clarke Takes Nanny State Thing Too Far, Fxxks The Nanny

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Apparently being a stay-at-home dad with a taxpayer-funded Nanny is a bit much for some people to handle.  In the case of the self-proclaimed First Dad, Clarke Gayford, the question was allegedly never really “if” but “when”. “I mean, in my defence, she spends all day Zoom chatting with China about fun new ways to fxxk New Zealand.” … Continue reading First Dad Clarke Takes Nanny State Thing Too Far, Fxxks The Nanny

NZ: Northland Under Water, Jacinda Drowning In Her Own Self-Worship

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As residents of all colours, backgrounds and classes come together to help each other clean up after what Jacinda’s own media outlet (TV New Zealand) called a “1 in 500 year event”, El Presidente apparently decided there was nothing to be gained personally from turning up to have a look at the destruction.  After saying last week that … Continue reading NZ: Northland Under Water, Jacinda Drowning In Her Own Self-Worship

NZ: Jacinda Cultists Suffer Collective Stroke As Judith Collins Takes Over National Party

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Jacinda Ardern cultists all over New Zealand are tonight trying to work out whether they should be attacking newly-appointed National Party leader Judith “Crusher” Collins – who like their esteemed leader, is a white woman, mother, politician, and also grew up in a small town – or whether that might be a bit sexist, racist, misogynistic, and/or bigoted.  … Continue reading NZ: Jacinda Cultists Suffer Collective Stroke As Judith Collins Takes Over National Party