NZ: Election To Be Delayed Until Jacinda Leads Polls

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With coronavirus hysteria sweeping the western world, Supreme Leader Jacinda Ardern is apparently pretty keen to use the crisis to try to avoid the inevitable absolute bollocking she is about to receive at the General Election later this year.  “What we’ve realised is if we go to an election, we’re pretty much fxxked.” Ardern explained.  “So we think … Continue reading NZ: Election To Be Delayed Until Jacinda Leads Polls

Mongrel Mob To Help Police Enforce Coronavirus Self-Isolation

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Following the news that anyone entering New Zealand will now be required to self-isolate for two weeks, Supreme Leader Jacinda Ardern has had a bit of a think about how she’s going to enforce the rule, and she’s come up with the perfect solution.  Our glorious leader initially thought the policy wouldn’t need enforcing, because “people do what … Continue reading Mongrel Mob To Help Police Enforce Coronavirus Self-Isolation

Jacinda Ardern To Wear Full Burqa At Christchurch Memorial In Desperate Bid To Not Lose Election

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT In an act of pure selflessness rarely seen from Cindy, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has today decided to at least try to pretend that she cares who wins the September election with the announcement that she will turn up to the memorial service in a burqa, in a move that she is trying to convince people … Continue reading Jacinda Ardern To Wear Full Burqa At Christchurch Memorial In Desperate Bid To Not Lose Election

Communist Cindy Pretty Happy With How Things Are Going

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With Coronavirus sending the mainstream media into a state of pure ecstasy over clicks and shares, and idiots everywhere lapping it up as if it’s a story about a man who was hung out to dry on a cross and turned up back at the pub three days later, Supreme Leader Jacinda Ardern is unfazed by the events … Continue reading Communist Cindy Pretty Happy With How Things Are Going

Jacinda Ardern Reckons NZ Is Stupid Enough To Vote For Her Again

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Apparently after a few too many Fiji Bitters last night, Prime Minister Ardern for some reason thought it was a good idea to announce that her government is “cracking down” on fuel prices.  Coincidentally, the announcement comes a few months out from an election that she is wandering into with a Deputy Prime Minister she refuses to speak … Continue reading Jacinda Ardern Reckons NZ Is Stupid Enough To Vote For Her Again

Jacinda Ardern Announces What Happens If Lotto Jackpots Again

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With New Zealand’s Lotto prize pool at $50 million for this Saturday’s draw after jackpotting again last week, Supreme Leader Jacinda Ardern has announced that if it jackpots again she’ll be “redistributing” the money to things that make her look good at the UN.  Speaking from her palace overlooking a secret Fiji beach, Ardern told The Waterton Daily … Continue reading Jacinda Ardern Announces What Happens If Lotto Jackpots Again

First Baby Neve Completely Solves Ihumatao Land Occupation

Heir to the throne First Baby Neve has today completely solved the Ihumatao land occupation problem by just telling the land occupiers that they can stay there, according to reports received by The Waterton Daily Chronicle.  Speaking from the scene of the illegal land occupation, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern said she was incredibly proud of her daughter.  “It’s just so amazing how switched on the … Continue reading First Baby Neve Completely Solves Ihumatao Land Occupation

Jacinda Ardern Announces New Department of Unemployment Elimination

New Zealand Prime Minister and UN golden child Jacinda Ardern has today announced the establishment of yet another government department.  The Department of Unemployment Elimination will be tasked with completely eliminating unemployment overnight, in what Supreme Leader Ardern has labelled a “revolutionary initiative for unemployed people and for me.”.  “It’ll be pretty much identical to most other government departments really.”.  “Basically we realised that the … Continue reading Jacinda Ardern Announces New Department of Unemployment Elimination

Brisbane Archbishop Not Keen On Kids Being Able To Go To Cops For Some Reason

For some unknown reason the head of the Catholic Church in Brisbane doesn’t want members of his flock telling outsiders about what goes on, clearly because an institution like the Catholic Church, with such an exemplary record on issues such as child rape and sodomy has absolutely nothing to worry about if they have to legally report sex crimes.  The Waterton Daily Chronicle spoke to … Continue reading Brisbane Archbishop Not Keen On Kids Being Able To Go To Cops For Some Reason

International News Media Loses Interest In HK Protests

After absolutely smashing their clickthrough-rate (CTR) targets in the early months of the ongoing protests in Hong Kong, the world’s media has for “some” reason decided not to bother reporting anything at all about the ongoing protests in the troubled former British colony.  The Waterton Daily Chronicle spoke to raging leftie Eric, who told this reporter everything went really quiet as soon as footage of … Continue reading International News Media Loses Interest In HK Protests