First Baby Neve Completely Solves Ihumatao Land Occupation

Heir to the throne First Baby Neve has today completely solved the Ihumatao land occupation problem by just telling the land occupiers that they can stay there, according to reports received by The Waterton Daily Chronicle.  Speaking from the scene of the illegal land occupation, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern said she was incredibly proud of her daughter.  “It’s just so amazing how switched on the … Continue reading First Baby Neve Completely Solves Ihumatao Land Occupation

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Jacinda Ardern Announces New Department of Unemployment Elimination

New Zealand Prime Minister and UN golden child Jacinda Ardern has today announced the establishment of yet another government department.  The Department of Unemployment Elimination will be tasked with completely eliminating unemployment overnight, in what Supreme Leader Ardern has labelled a “revolutionary initiative for unemployed people and for me.”.  “It’ll be pretty much identical to most other government departments really.”.  “Basically we realised that the … Continue reading Jacinda Ardern Announces New Department of Unemployment Elimination

Brisbane Archbishop Not Keen On Kids Being Able To Go To Cops For Some Reason

For some unknown reason the head of the Catholic Church in Brisbane doesn’t want members of his flock telling outsiders about what goes on, clearly because an institution like the Catholic Church, with such an exemplary record on issues such as child rape and sodomy has absolutely nothing to worry about if they have to legally report sex crimes.  The Waterton Daily Chronicle spoke to … Continue reading Brisbane Archbishop Not Keen On Kids Being Able To Go To Cops For Some Reason

International News Media Loses Interest In HK Protests

After absolutely smashing their clickthrough-rate (CTR) targets in the early months of the ongoing protests in Hong Kong, the world’s media has for “some” reason decided not to bother reporting anything at all about the ongoing protests in the troubled former British colony.  The Waterton Daily Chronicle spoke to raging leftie Eric, who told this reporter everything went really quiet as soon as footage of … Continue reading International News Media Loses Interest In HK Protests

Stephen King’s Next Smash Hit To Be About SJW Zombies

Following getting swarmed by the same angry SJWs Ricky Gervais had to deal with last week, Stephen King has announced today that his next bestseller will be a semi-autobiographical novel about a horde of brain-dead former humans attacking a successful artist who happens to be a white man for expressing an opinion about how to be successful as an artist.  The prolific author told The … Continue reading Stephen King’s Next Smash Hit To Be About SJW Zombies

“But What Was He Doing For the Bushfires?” Says Some Idiot

As it seems more and more likely every day that Scotty McLaughlin will leave the poorly written soap opera that is Supercars these days in search of something resembling actual racing, so-called “fans” have had a crack at the 2x champion and Bathurst winner overnight, after Scotty decided for some reason to take up the opportunity of a test run in a Team Penske IndyCar.  … Continue reading “But What Was He Doing For the Bushfires?” Says Some Idiot

President Trump “Should Have Been More Tolerant” Of Iranian Terrorist, Says Ocasio-Cortez

Democrat Congresswoman and raging Marxist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has today ramped up her twitter war with President Trump, this time suggesting he should have been more tolerant and accepting of Major General Soleimani blowing up embassies, attacking civilian ships, killing thousands of Iranian civilians, and firing rockets at Iraqi military bases.  In what she’s calling a “statement’ but is actually just a rant on Twitter, AOC … Continue reading President Trump “Should Have Been More Tolerant” Of Iranian Terrorist, Says Ocasio-Cortez

Trump Family Cat’s Escape Attempt Foiled By Unexpected Lunge

Dramatic scenes are unfolding on the White House lawn this afternoon as the family cat has evidently had pretty much enough.  First Cat Stormy quietly put up with all the drama surrounding her food provider’s ties with Russia. She even tolerated him insisting on staying up into the early hours to rant on Twitter about how mean Nancy Pelosi is. And she stayed quietly curled … Continue reading Trump Family Cat’s Escape Attempt Foiled By Unexpected Lunge

Local Idiot Causes Existential Crisis After Going Too Far With Conspiracy Theories

Dramatic scenes have unfolded in a Facebook group for truly unhinged conspiracy theorists today after a group member completely abandoned critical thought in the pursuit of “believing”.  The incident unfolded after completely sane Dan Smith questioned whether the cult members honestly believe their claims that the Australian government deliberately lit the catastrophic bushfires using giant laser beams in a bid to clear land for a … Continue reading Local Idiot Causes Existential Crisis After Going Too Far With Conspiracy Theories

Bushfires Just An Elaborate Govt Plan To Boost Chinese Tourism, Says Brunswick Lunatic

A Brunswick dickhead has taken to Twitter this afternoon to tell everyone in his little echo chamber how the catastrophic bushfire crisis gripping the country at the moment is really just an elaborate plan by Scott Morrison personally to boost Chinese tourism.  The tweet is apparently the result of a conversation he had with one of his university mates last night about how the government … Continue reading Bushfires Just An Elaborate Govt Plan To Boost Chinese Tourism, Says Brunswick Lunatic