“Men” Who Have Never Seen A Vagina In Real Life Are Most Concerned With “Aesthetics”, Study Finds.

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT A Waterton University of Technology (WUT) study released today confirms what most of us already knew, incels are a bit shxt.  The study, overseen by WUT Professor of Gender Studies, Dr Put Mynani, PhD, involved interviewing 100 heterosexual men from various ethnic backgrounds, religious and political beliefs, professions, and even footy team allegiances.  Basically all of them agreed … Continue reading “Men” Who Have Never Seen A Vagina In Real Life Are Most Concerned With “Aesthetics”, Study Finds.

Baby Formula Plentiful As Daigou Shoppers Switch Focus

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Parents across Australia are finding it a bit easier than it used to be to find baby formula on supermarket shelves as “daigou” cartels shift their focus to the more lucrative toilet paper market.  The news comes as the price of a single bog roll has surged past $1200 after social media users discovered the medicinal benefits of … Continue reading Baby Formula Plentiful As Daigou Shoppers Switch Focus

10,000 Police To Be Redeployed As Govt Cracks Down On eScooter Hoons

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT The government has announced this morning that 10,000 frontline police officers will be taken off the beat and redeployed to traffic duties in a bid to crack down on what Police are calling “the scourge of reckless eScooter hoons”.  The news comes a part of a wider attempt by the government to make some money out of the … Continue reading 10,000 Police To Be Redeployed As Govt Cracks Down On eScooter Hoons

22-Year Old Waterton P-Plater Who Just Bought XR6 Turbo Definitely Wasn’t Doing Burnouts

A Waterton man who recently bought a Ford Falcon XR6 Turbo is currently assisting police with their enquiries after said Falcon ended up becoming one with a local gumtree on the way home.  Local electrician’s apprentice and Forza Horizon player Finn Harris (22) was attempting to drive the Falcon home after upgrading from the 1993 Civic VTi he was gifted after his grandma died a … Continue reading 22-Year Old Waterton P-Plater Who Just Bought XR6 Turbo Definitely Wasn’t Doing Burnouts

Facebook Bans Satirical News Site From Sharing Stories After Telling It To Share More Stories

The Editor of a local satirical news site is a bit confused tonight after Facebook arbitrarily decided to ban him from sharing stories in groups only a few days after telling him a good way to grow the audience is to share stories in groups.  Bryan Firebrand, the Editor of The Waterton Chronicle, told The Waterton Chronicle he had a conversation with Facebook last week … Continue reading Facebook Bans Satirical News Site From Sharing Stories After Telling It To Share More Stories

Satirical News Site Mocks Reader Who Says It’s “Fake News”

A news site that is clearly satire has today published a story mocking a reader who recently labelled one of it’s stories as “fake news”.  The story, which was about an imaginary person with a generic name loosely based on that guy we all know who thinks he’s good at something but actually isn’t, was immediately recognised as satirical by most readers, who got a … Continue reading Satirical News Site Mocks Reader Who Says It’s “Fake News”

Israel Folau Slows Back Down After Overtaking Lane

Witnesses have reported that millionaire Christian evangelist, Instagram user, and former Forrest Gump of Rugby, Israel Folau was spotted this morning heading back from his new Rugby Australia-supplied Byron Bay beachfront mansion in his shiny new Rugby Australia-supplied Lamborghini. Apparently, despite driving a $500,000 supercar more than capable of sticking somewhere near the 110kmh speed limit, Israel was having trouble doing more than about 80kmh … Continue reading Israel Folau Slows Back Down After Overtaking Lane

Woman Whose Biggest Problem Is Her Blind Hairdresser Calls Firies “Wife-Beaters”

A woman with nothing else to get worked up about has decided to use her 15 seconds of fame to show everyone what a dick she is.  Since her own central city villa isn’t currently threatened by catastrophic bushfires, and therefore she has no need for a bunch of people to turn up and risk their own lives to help her, Sherele Moody decided a … Continue reading Woman Whose Biggest Problem Is Her Blind Hairdresser Calls Firies “Wife-Beaters”

Penguin With No Mates Prances Around Otago Beach After Winning “Bird Of The Year”

A yellowed-eyed penguin is the talk of a windswept Otago beach today after taking out the coveted “Bird of the Year” title.  Harry the Hoiho resembled more of a peacock as he spent the morning prancing around the beach with his chest puffed out, signing autographs on $5 notes, and generally basking in his new-found glory. When this reporter spoke to Harry he explained that … Continue reading Penguin With No Mates Prances Around Otago Beach After Winning “Bird Of The Year”

Waterton Cat Unilaterally Decides It’s Time To Wake Up And Face The Day At 3AM

A Waterton food provider is kind of regretting her decision to get a cat, but not really because furbaby, after her little cherub decided sleep is just a social construct and woke up the whole house at 3AM last night.  After enjoying an almost completely unbroken sleep all day, only taking breaks to eat, Church decided that the entire household needed to join him in … Continue reading Waterton Cat Unilaterally Decides It’s Time To Wake Up And Face The Day At 3AM