Supercars: Holden Idiots Crack Tiny Woody’s After Scotty McLaughlin Bins It

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT There’s quite the shxtstorm going down on social media tonight after former Holden, Volvo and more recently Ford driver Scott McLaughlin made his debut in Indycars overnight, and binned it in a car he barely knows, on a track he turned up to for the first time three days before the race.  Reports are coming in that the … Continue reading Supercars: Holden Idiots Crack Tiny Woody’s After Scotty McLaughlin Bins It

F1: Lewis Hamilton Shocks Everyone With Rare Win

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT In absolutely shocking news coming out of Portugal, Lewis Hamilton has won the latest Formula One race at Portimao Algarve.  In a slightly chaotic first few minutes of a race that ended up with Bottas and Verstappen rounding out the podium behind Lewis Hamilton for the first time since last week, the only driver who showed any semblance … Continue reading F1: Lewis Hamilton Shocks Everyone With Rare Win

Supercars: Piece Of “Hallowed” Bathurst Tarmac Sent To Florida

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Reports are coming in that the pelicans running Supercars may have taken a leaf out of the AFL’s increasingly voluminous book of insanity, and dug up a piece of The Cutting at Bathurst to send to Florida ahead of Scotty’s debut in the Indycar Series.  The news comes as Roger Penske all too predictably announced he’s fleeing the … Continue reading Supercars: Piece Of “Hallowed” Bathurst Tarmac Sent To Florida

Supercars: Whincup Reviews Footage Of Giant Bathurst Fxxkup, Remains Defiant

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As the dust settles on yet another Kiwi winning Bathurst, attention has apparently turned to what the fxxk Whincup was thinking.  With only about five and a half hours remaining in the race, Whincup took the obvious option of trying to pass the notoriously compliant Brodie Kostecki on the outside of the cutting in what Jamie has described … Continue reading Supercars: Whincup Reviews Footage Of Giant Bathurst Fxxkup, Remains Defiant

Supercars: Roland Recalls Parity Pelicans To Discuss Camaro

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Reports are coming in that Triple 8 boss Roland Dane may have recalled the squadron of Parity Pelicans currently enroute to Florida, so that they can attend an emergency meeting to discuss the lengths to which they’re willing to go to ensure the Camaro wins in it’s debut season in 2022. The Waterton Chronicle understands Mr Dane is … Continue reading Supercars: Roland Recalls Parity Pelicans To Discuss Camaro

Supercars: Squadron Of Parity Pelicans Runs Into Trouble On Way To Florida

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With the Supercars season over, and after a big night on the bubbly, celebrating Macauley Jones taking out his team mate and subsequently ruining Scotty McLaughlin’s race, Supercars’ squadron of Parity Pelicans took to the skies in the early hours of this morning, bound for St Petersburg, Florida.  The Waterton Chronicle understands the decidedly dusty group were initially … Continue reading Supercars: Squadron Of Parity Pelicans Runs Into Trouble On Way To Florida

Supercars: Whincup Should Probably Just Chill Out A Bit, Poll Finds

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With yet another epic Bathurst 1000 behind us, and with Jamie Whincup once again demonstrating his lack of understanding around things like maths, decision-making, and risk v reward, The Waterton Chronicle conducted a poll.  The goal of the poll was to discover if anyone anywhere thought that trying to pass Captain Brodie “I’m good at iRacing” Kostecki on … Continue reading Supercars: Whincup Should Probably Just Chill Out A Bit, Poll Finds

Supercars: Skaife Has A Cry When Whincup Bins It

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With the Bathurst 1000 done for another year, and with Whincup once again succumbing to his customary “I’m at Bathurst so I need to turn off my brain” thing, no one was more upset than Mark Skaife.  Even Craig Lowndes seemed to just accept the fact that if Jamie was going to fxxk it, he may as well … Continue reading Supercars: Skaife Has A Cry When Whincup Bins It

Supercars: Mark Skaife Fast-Tracks Weather Control Machine In The Name Of Parity

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT With the Tickford Ford pairing of Lee Holdsworth and Michael Caruso taking provisional pole for Sunday’s Bathurst 1000, Mark Skaife has apparently taken the unconventional step of ramping up development of a machine designed to avoid such travesties in the future.  “Yeah, look, I spoke to Paulie (Head of Supercars, Paulie the Parity Pelican), and he was adamant … Continue reading Supercars: Mark Skaife Fast-Tracks Weather Control Machine In The Name Of Parity

Dan Andrews Laughs At Gladys’ “Abysmal” Fxxk Boi Numbers

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Reports are coming in that Victorian dictator Daniel Andrews has had a bit of a chuckle at the number of people his NSW counterpart Gladys Berejiklian has fxxked.  Speaking from the steps of his palace in Spring Street, Comrade Dan was asked about the controversy engulfing Gladys at the moment.  “Let me be clear. What Gladys has come … Continue reading Dan Andrews Laughs At Gladys’ “Abysmal” Fxxk Boi Numbers