Supercars: Chaz Mostert Sharpens His Punting Off Cam Waters Skills On Forza Motorsport 7

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Bathurst winner and apparent Cam Waters magnet Chaz Mostert has reportedly spent the last few days sharpening his punting other people off at random skills ahead of the upcoming Supercars E-Series Presented By Coronavirus.  The Bathurst winner already had pretty finely-tuned real world skills when it comes to punting off Cam Waters, but told The Waterton Chronicle he … Continue reading Supercars: Chaz Mostert Sharpens His Punting Off Cam Waters Skills On Forza Motorsport 7

Pangolin Announced As Time’s “2020 Person Of The Year”

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As pretty much the entire world goes into lockdown to fight the spread of COVID-19, Time Magazine has conceded no one else, not even Greta or Trump, are going to top the humble pangolin for most influential person of 2020.  A spokesperson for Time told The Waterton Daily Chronicle the choice was a “no brainer, really.”.  “Very rarely … Continue reading Pangolin Announced As Time’s “2020 Person Of The Year”

Kiwis Definitely Not Using Dob In Your Neighbour Service To Settle Old Scores

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Supreme Leader Jacinda Ardern has today said that despite the Police’s new “Dob in your neighbour” website being overloaded with ‘complaints’ a few hours after its launch, it’s “definitely not being used inappropriately.”.  The news comes as thousands of Kiwis jumped on the website within minutes of it’s announcement, keen to get their neighbours in trouble with the … Continue reading Kiwis Definitely Not Using Dob In Your Neighbour Service To Settle Old Scores

Ford v Holden Officially Dead As Fans Switch To Comparing Processor Size

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT The once proud tradition among Supercars fans everywhere of claiming the other side sucked more than the marque they supported has been well and truly laid to rest today, as the COVID-19-induced ban on real life forces people to argue on social media about new and equally pointless things.  While most arguments during the 2019 season were between … Continue reading Ford v Holden Officially Dead As Fans Switch To Comparing Processor Size

Local Meth Head Dons “Friendly” Skull Face Mask To Guard Against COVID-19

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT It appears even the nation’s meth addicts are doing their bit to stop the spread of COVID-19, with reports coming in that a group of society’s finest specimens are utilising “friendly skull” facemasks, apparently in a bid to protect themselves from the deadly virus.   Self-described “meth enthusiast” Corey spoke to The Waterton Daily Chronicle to explain the logic … Continue reading Local Meth Head Dons “Friendly” Skull Face Mask To Guard Against COVID-19

Supercars: Investigation Launched After Scotty McLaughlin Finishes Fourth In IndyCar Race

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican has vowed to “leave no stone unturned” and that the organisation “will get to the bottom of” how exactly Scott McLaughlin managed to finish P4 in this morning’s opening round of the IndyCar E-Series at E-Watkins Glen.  The giant pelican told The Waterton Sports Chronicle it “simply doesn’t add up” that … Continue reading Supercars: Investigation Launched After Scotty McLaughlin Finishes Fourth In IndyCar Race

Supercars: Roland Dane Comes Up With Excuse To Cancel E-Series

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As the realisation hits that Triple 8 might not be guaranteed victories in the upcoming E-Series, team boss Roland Dane has come up with what he reckons is the perfect excuse for the series to not happen at all.  Speaking exclusively to The Waterton Sports Chronicle, Roland told this reporter the team has identified “a major health issue” … Continue reading Supercars: Roland Dane Comes Up With Excuse To Cancel E-Series

F1: Lewis Hamilton Reckons His Mate Kanye Should Be In F1

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Six Times F1 World Champion and multi-gagillionaire Lewis Hamilton appears to be spending his time away from doing his actual job coming up with new things to complain about on social media.  Following earlier rants about his non-vegan fans destroying the planet, Australians also destroying the planet with their pesky bushfire season, and private jets destroying the planet … Continue reading F1: Lewis Hamilton Reckons His Mate Kanye Should Be In F1

Supercars: Shane van Gisbergen Stalls In Pitlane Again

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As drivers continue to practice for the upcoming Corona Extra Supercars E-Series, sim racing geek Shane van Gisbergen has reportedly had a bit of a technical drama during a practice race at Bathurst this afternoon.  After building a more than comfortable lead over the field, SVG headed into the pits for his final stop with only a few … Continue reading Supercars: Shane van Gisbergen Stalls In Pitlane Again

Supercars: Will Davison Hoping To Imagine His Way To E-Series Glory

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As the Supercars E-paddock prepares for the upcoming Supercars All Stars E-Series, with some drivers looking vastly more likely to win than others, Milwaukee Racing driver Will Davison’s preparation has hit a bit of a snag.  With no sim rig, having given his old one to brother Alex after former Brisbane-based Team Sydney driver James Courtney came down … Continue reading Supercars: Will Davison Hoping To Imagine His Way To E-Series Glory