Supercars: Clouds Gather Over Category As Half The Grid Sign Up To OnlyFans

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As if the category wasn’t already in massive trouble, things appear to have taken a turn for the even more FUBAR following the revelation that former Supergirl Renee Gracie is making a fxxkload more money than anyone in Supercars, albeit with a somewhat similar business model.  Following a racing “career” that consisted of not much more than a … Continue reading Supercars: Clouds Gather Over Category As Half The Grid Sign Up To OnlyFans

Supercars Prepares Fans For Future Of The Sport With Oval Races

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT The Supercars “organisation” has tonight used Round 9 of the BP Supercars All Stars E-Series to try to convince their remaining fans that oval racing is the future, in what some are saying is an attempt to soften the blow when the series eventually carks it sometime in the near future.  Despite having literally hundreds of virtual actual … Continue reading Supercars Prepares Fans For Future Of The Sport With Oval Races

Knives, Forks, Spoons To Be Outlawed In New Zealand

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT As New Zealand’s forced march towards full dependence on El Presidente Jacinda’s Chinese overlords continues, the formerly democratic nation’s traditional cutlery of choice is next on the list of things to be outlawed.  The Waterton Chronicle has learned that the Chinese Communist Party is insisting that, in return for the billions of dollars it is sending to New … Continue reading Knives, Forks, Spoons To Be Outlawed In New Zealand

Social Distancing Doesn’t Apply To My Supporters, Says El Presidente

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Teenagers across America have donned their backpacks and facescarfs to get some much-needed outdoors time away from the daily grind of playing Fortnite, uploading TikToks, and receiving “donations” from their OnlyFans in the wake of the death of George Floyd at the hands of a lunatic.  Meanwhile back in the newly formed People’s Republic of New Jacindia, El … Continue reading Social Distancing Doesn’t Apply To My Supporters, Says El Presidente

Comrade Cindy Issues Decree: Anyone Who Dies “Definitely Died From COVID”

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Dictator of New Zealand Comrade Cindy has today announced via decree that from now on anyone that dies on her watch will automatically be classified as a victim of COVID-19, The Waterton Chronicle has learned.  The news comes as Cindy struggles to find legitimate reasons to control the population, following five days without a single new case of … Continue reading Comrade Cindy Issues Decree: Anyone Who Dies “Definitely Died From COVID”

Supercars: Jack Smith Learns “Revolutionary” New Cornering Technique

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Brad Jones Racing financier Jack Smith’s dad has revealed today that after spending a couple of hours in the simulator today, Jack has come up with a “revolutionary” new approach to driving ahead of tonight’s BP Supercars All Stars E-series round.  The news comes after Jack’s standard approach of hitting corner entries backwards drew some criticism from pretty … Continue reading Supercars: Jack Smith Learns “Revolutionary” New Cornering Technique

Clementine Ford Solves Gender Pay Gap

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Renowned lover of men, especially middle-class white ones, Clementine Ford, has  apparently single handedly completely solved the gender pay gap issue over the weekend.  In what absolutely no one is describing as “uncharacteristic behaviour”, Clemmy went on a massive Twitter rant about how not enough white men are dying from COVID-19.  The ensuing dumpster fire revealed that far … Continue reading Clementine Ford Solves Gender Pay Gap

Supercars: McLaughlin Apologises For Saying What Everyone Was Thinking

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Bathurst (get over it) and two-time Supercars Champion Scott McLaughlin has today apologised for daring to say what everyone else was already thinking following another demolition derby effort from Jack Smith at last week’s BP Supercars All Stars Eseries event.  The incident unfolded after Jack Smith once again apparently decided that, in the absence of actual race pace, … Continue reading Supercars: McLaughlin Apologises For Saying What Everyone Was Thinking

“What Pay Cut? Oh That Silly Thing.” Says Jacinda

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Almost two months after the ACT Party proposed a 20% pay cut for all MPs amid this COVID chaos, and El Presidente Jacinda immediately stole the idea, MPs are still on full pay.  The Waterton Chronicle sent in an investigative team to find out why.  Despite attempts to “dismiss” questions from the media about what exactly she’s up … Continue reading “What Pay Cut? Oh That Silly Thing.” Says Jacinda

Supercars: Triple 8 Calls In The Big Guns To Help Out SVG.

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT Triple 8 has well and truly rolled out the big guns ahead of tonight’s BP Supercars All Stars E-Series round at Circuit of the Americas, with sim racing legends Garth Tander and Craig Lowndes unleashed, in what team boss Roland Dane is calling a “guaranteed 1-2-3”.  “I mean, let’s face it, Jamie has struggled a bit.” Roland told … Continue reading Supercars: Triple 8 Calls In The Big Guns To Help Out SVG.