Supercars: Pelicans Announce New Technical Regs In Effort To “Simplify Series”

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

After launching Mark Larkham for being “too technical” with his brilliantly simple explanations of technical details, and launching Riana Crehan for no apparent reason, other than her husband drives a Ford, Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican has today continued his campaign to attract the  2-6 year old demographic. 

Speaking from the fort he built out of his parents’ lounge suite, dining table and coffee table while watching his mate Charli talking to soft toys on Hi-5 this morning, Sean, ahem, Paulie announced that from 2022 the series would “move away from complicated things like actual racing cars to something more simple.”.

“I’m of the opinion that our fans are just a bit too stupid to understand what’s going on with these big people cars.” Paulie explained. 

“So from 2022 we’re banning all that silly grownups stuff and in the interests of parity all teams will be required to run Little Tikes pedal cars.” 

Paulie went on to explain that the Supercars series will be subject to a maximum driver age limit of 6 from 2022, in what he says is an effort to appeal to a younger audience. 

“Yeah, look, those grownups are boring! Charli and me think it’d be much more fun if we turned the series into a kids show. And I’ll have a massive tantrum if you tell me off about it.” Paulie added. 

When this reporter asked Paulie about the logistics of a group of small children pedaling Little Tikes cars up Mountain Straight, he looked confused. 

“What’s a Mountain Straight?” he asked. 

More to come. 

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