In what looks suspiciously like an attempt to finally put the series out of its misery for good, the absolute giant pelicans running Supercars (into the ground) have today doubled down on their decision to launch Mark Larkham and Riana Crehan.
Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican told The Waterton Chronicle the decision to get rid of Mark Larkham was an easy one.
“Basically, we decided that Supercars fans are actually just giant idiots, and therefore Mark Larkham’s ability to explain technical stuff in fun and simple ways that helps to give people more of an understanding of the sport was really just a pointless exercise.” Paulie explained.
“Ideally, we’re looking for people who have no idea about Supercars but buy a ticket anyway just to see a washed up band from the 1980s or some random ‘new act’ no one gives a f**k about.” the giant pelican continued.
Paulie explained that since Larko is neither a washed up 80s band nor a random new act, he simply isn’t required.
“What we’re trying to do here is dumb everything down to a point where people might maybe stop noticing that the entire series is utterly f**ked, in the hope that I get to move on to my dream job as a concert promoter.” Paulie squawked.
Paulie went on to explain that Mark Larkham would be replaced by someone “more representative” of where the once great racing series is headed.
“Yeah, former Hi-5 childrens entertainer Charli Robinson is more aligned with our current strategy. For a start, she knows how to talk to children. Secondly, she knows how to make finger puppets. And she definitely knows how to put on a happy face even when sh*t is really f**king bad.” the seabird explained.
Paulie explained that they needed to find an attractive blonde woman, but one that wouldn’t have any f**king idea about Supercars, in case they accidentally mention on air how f**ked the series is.
“Charli is perfect for that role.” Paulie added.