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With the announcement overnight that the South  Australian Government has cancelled the Adelaide 500 Supercars race, serial killers all over the so-called “City of Churches” are collectively freaking out over the sudden drop in targets. 

The Waterton Chronicle sent a reporter to investigate the situation. 

“We’re really worried to be honest.” Malcolm (48), a cooper by trade, explained. 

“There’s literally a finite number of people we can kill, and this irresponsible decision by the South Australian Government limits our ability to express ourselves.” continued old creepy. 

In more positive news, Head of Supercars, Paulie the Parity Pelican is not that bothered by the developments. 

“Oh, look, I’m just not that bothered really. It’s only one race.” the giant pelican explained. 

Paulie went on to explain that he’s not too worried about looking for new tracks to replace the iconic ones or trying to encourage new manufacturers into the series to save it, because apparently he’s met all the conditions of his bonus structure.  

“Yeah, Triple 8 win Bathurst. Scotty gone. Me bonus big.” the seabird squawked, as he devoured the soul of the sport.