F1: Lewis Hamilton Shocks Everyone With Rare Win

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

In absolutely shocking news coming out of Portugal, Lewis Hamilton has won the latest Formula One race at Portimao Algarve. 

In a slightly chaotic first few minutes of a race that ended up with Bottas and Verstappen rounding out the podium behind Lewis Hamilton for the first time since last week, the only driver who showed any semblance of actually wanting to race was, as usual, Kimi.

When The Waterton Chronicle asked Kimi after the race for his thoughts on gaining ten places in the opening lap, the Finn was typically descriptive. 

“Mwoaah. Cars slow. Me fast. Me pass.” Kimi explained.

In other news, Lance Stroll is apparently heading back to his Xbox for a bit more practice after what some pundits are describing as “a bit of a gamer in a public online lobby” performance. 

When this reporter asked Mercedes team boss Toto Wolff for his thoughts on Lewis beating Michael Schumacher’s race win record, the Austrian terminator was uncharacteristically grumpy. 

“Why are you even here? It’s not like Lewis is leaving or anything. Why would you say such a thing?” the scary man explained. 

Meanwhile, the latest victim at Red Bull, Alex Albon, is apparently still trying to unlap himself from golden boy Max. 

“They’re racing me so hard.” The sweet summer child explained to his poor bastard engineer. 

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