Entire Western World Collapses As President Trump Bans TikTok

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

Shocking scenes are emerging in bedrooms across the USA tonight following Trump’s announcement that popular self-wankfest app TikTok is set to be banned. 

In a welcome respite from the actual carnage happening on the streets of Philadelphia and other important cities, parents of children who think their lives are tough at least know where their kids are this time.   

“Dafuq?! Little Kardashian (8) said to herself, mid-twerk. 

“That one would have got me more likes and follows! What the fxxk is going on?!” said the little darling angel as the TikTok shutdown took hold. 

The Waterton Chronicle sent a reporter to the scene to assess the damage. 

“Well, it’s absolute carnage here to be honest. Kids are being forced to interact with humans in realtime and real life. And let’s face it, they have no hope. Likewise, parents are being forced into the awkward situation of having to actually speak to their children.” 

Apparently, some absolute infidel of a child from California even suggested the adults in the condo stop smoking weed long enough to contemplate feeding her. 

“Yeah man, she went full anarchist man. As soon as TikTok stopped she for some reason decided to talk to us.” 

“It was weird man. She actually asked us questions. Like ‘what’s for dinner?’” Chad explained. 

It’s almost like she’s an actual human being.