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Gravely oppressed and persecuted multi-millionaire rapper, fashion designer, tax evader, BLM protester, knee-taker, fxxker of supermodels and popstars, aspiring dictator and part time Formula One driver Lewis Hamilton has sought to further cement the idea that he is discriminated against by the Formula One establishment, with the multi-racial manchild claiming he’d be even quicker if he was white.
The news comes following Lewis proving once again he is an absolute genius in an F1 car, after qualifying on pole position for today’s Silverstone Grand Prix, more than a second ahead of anyone else, and follows the six time world champion and supercar collector accusing everyone in Formula One of being racist based solely on a noose being found in fellow self-proclaimed “victim”, NASCAR driver Bubba Wallace’s garage some months ago.
As it turned out, that noose had been there for a while, and was really just a very practical and very NASCAR way of making it easier to pull up the garage door.
The Waterton Chronicle asked Lewis if he’ll ever apologise for calling everyone in Formula One racist based on a made up story about a noose in NASCAR.
“Firstly, I’d like to thank my fans. You guys are amazing.” Lewis said, gesturing to an empty grandstand, apparently imagining his fans were there.
“Oh me and Bubba are tight man. Even though it turned out to be what most people would call ‘a made up story designed to get attention’, especially after it emerged that the noose has been there for a year or two, I still stand with Bubba!” Lewis said.
“How do you think you’ll do in the race this afternoon?” this reporter asked.
“Oh man. I mean obviously I’ll win. If I don’t it will be because of the white patriarchy stopping me man. It’s just so hard for me as a person of colour man. I reckon I could have been number one driver at two of the best F1 teams in history, won every championship for the last three years, and three before that before Nico discriminated against me in 2016, lived in Monaco, travelled the world in my own private jet doing what I love to do and getting millions of dollars to do it, maybe even hung out with Kanye West, Rihanna, Beyonce and Jay-Z.”
“But the whole thing is just so racist man. There’s just so much adversity for someone like me in this world.”