Supercars: Parity Pelicans Testing Scotty McLaughlin For COVID Every Five Minutes

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As the relentless pursuit of finding ways to stop the best teams and drivers from offending everyone else by winning in what is supposed to be a competition continues, the pelicans allegedly running Supercars have come up with another strategy to give all the slow people a chance to feel good for a moment or two. 

As DJR Team Penske driver Scott McLaughlin continues to lead the championship, despite multiple attempts to change the entire structure of the sport to give someone else a chance of keeping up with him, Head of Outcomes at Supercars, Paulie the Parity Pelican announced a new initiative. 

 The Waterton Chronicle spoke exclusively to Paulie. 

“Yeah, look. We noticed how Sergio Perez in F1 tested positive eventually, and that gave us an idea.” The eloquent pelican explained. 

“So, in an attempt to give someone else, likely Nick Percat, a chance of winning something, and in the name of equality, we’re testing Scott McLaughlin for COVID19 every five minutes until we get at least an ‘inconclusive’ result.” Paulie elaborated. 

“When we get anything other than a negative result, we’ll immediately take the necessary steps to prevent Scotty from winning, uh, I mean from infecting other people.” the seabird squawked.