NZ: Jacinda Cultists Suffer Collective Stroke As Judith Collins Takes Over National Party

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

Jacinda Ardern cultists all over New Zealand are tonight trying to work out whether they should be attacking newly-appointed National Party leader Judith “Crusher” Collins – who like their esteemed leader, is a white woman, mother, politician, and also grew up in a small town – or whether that might be a bit sexist, racist, misogynistic, and/or bigoted. 

The resulting chaos has already seen the most unemployable of Jacinda’s social media following having what can only be described as a f**king hilarious whinge on social media, as the frothy-mouthed mob waits patiently for instructions from their esteemed leader on how to proceed without offending each other or themselves. 

The Waterton Chronicle managed to communicate briefly with one of them after finding her sitting under First Baby Neve’s slide in the grounds of Jacinda’s palace (formerly the grounds of Parliament House). 

“Reeeee! She said as this reporter approached, cautiously. 

Upon being asked what she thought of Judith Collins, she became visibly more agitated, before leaping out from beneath the slide, crouching on all fours, raising her head towards the moon and screeching “Crusher (Judith Collins) baaaaadddddd!!! Jacinda gooooddd!!! Reeeee!!”. 

The clearly suffering Jacinda cultist then fled, scaling a fence and disappearing into the night before this reporter could ask her for more information.