Clinton Suffers From Writer’s Block Coming Up With Ghislaine Maxwell’s Suicide Note

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As Ghislaine Maxwell sits in a prison cell contemplating a future devoid of hunting for vulnerable children to traffick to influential billionaires and politicians to make herself feel better about being a giant c**t, former Secretary of State and still somehow Bill’s wife, Hillary is apparently struggling to come up with a quality suicide note for “cheeky GeeGee” as she was apparently known within the “community”. 

Speaking exclusively to The Waterton Chronicle, Hillary said she’s nailed the beginning, referring to how Ghislaine facilitated “a fruitful and satisfying life for some of the most influential and amazing people on the planet.”. 

“I’m just really struggling to come up with a somewhat believable reason for her to top herself given she’s wearing paper PJs and under constant surveillance.” Hillary explained. 

“I’m sure we’ll figure out a way though.” she added, with a grin. 

Meanwhile, the Queen is watching with interest from across the pond, as she ponders whether giving Andrew more actual work to do back in the day might have been a better strategy. 

According to sources familiar with the situation, the Queen is a bit concerned that COVID-related border closures present a unique challenge for family-related Parisian tunnel chases. 

“She’s apparently currently looking into what they’re calling ‘alternative solutions’ regarding Andrew.” the source explained.