F1: “It’s A Ferrari!” Says Ferrari, “It’s A Sh*tbox!” Says Carlos Sainz

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

As Ferrari continues to be fantastically slower than they were last year for “reasons”, but definitely not because they were cheating, Carlos Sainz Jr is apparently binge-watching the movie Rush in an attempt to learn how Niki Lauda managed to turn a sh*tbox Ferrari into something vaguely capable of resembling a proper racing car. 

The current McLaren driver is also allegedly consulting Google to see if there’s ever a time when a contract isn’t really a contract. 

The crazy old grandad of Formula One, Eddie Jordan told The Waterton Chronicle he reckons Carlos is probably a bit worried. 

“Oh, he’s probably a bit worried.” Eddie explained, utilising his years of experience in the sport. 

“He probably wishes he’d stuck with McLaren.” Eddie continued, yet again demonstrating his expert insight. 

 Ferrari boss Mattia Binotto said there’s nothing for Carlos to worry about. 

“There’s a nothing for Carlos to a worry about. It’s a Ferrari! Megalo megalo megalo!” Mattia explained, passionately. 

Sources familiar with the situation at Ferrari told this reporter the team is working around the clock to 3D print last year’s Mercedes in an effort to come up with an actual Formula One car. When asked if that might be a bad idea, given the investigation into Force India, sorry, “Racing Point” for doing the same thing, Mattia seemed unconcerned. 

“We are Ferrari! We never get caught a cheating!” he explained.