Premier Dan Andrews Rolls Over, Goes Straight To Sleep After Fxxking Victoria

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

As Victoria continues to excel in it’s relentless mission to become even more of a national laughing stock than it was pre-COVID19, reports are coming in that Premier Dan Andrews isn’t a big fan of pillowtalk.  

The news comes after the throbbing member for Mulgrave left Victoria feeling a mixture of deep dissatisfaction and regret after being royally but, ahem, quickly fxxked by Dan “The Man” Andrews and left completely alone to ponder what could have been. 

“It’s not me, it’s you.” he told Victoria. 

“I’m quite satisfied with how I’ve performed, now do your civic duty and just be quiet and keep to yourself so I can sleep.” Dan explained to Victoria.  

As Victoria lay there in a wet patch of isolation, thinking about what it would be like if leaders actually took responsibility for their own failures instead of blaming the recipients of their incompetence, Dan stirred. 

“Oh, Xi, Ni Hao!” he mumbled, clearly still asleep, and dreaming of his one true love.  

“Mmmm, I like it when you put it there.” Dan whispered to himself, as Victoria lay there evaluating life decisions.