Victoria Announces New Slogan Amid COVID Chaos

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

As Victoria continues to work relentlessly to cement its place as the basket-case state of Australia, Premier His Exaltedness Comrade Dan Andrews unveiled a new slogan for the Chinese-administered enclave today. 

The new slogan, which according to Comrade Dan only cost “around $20 million” to design and test, and went through a “rigorous” approval process with the state’s Chinese overlords, is apparently designed to “better reflect our glorious state’s position as ‘leader of the pack’ when it comes to progressing, err, progressive, policies such as telling everyone to stay at home to stop the spread of COVID-19, unless you want to head out and protest the death of a criminal on the other side of the world, or bang the security guard in your quarantine hotel. 

In a rousing, but characteristically brief speech delivered on the steps of  Parliament this afternoon, Dan, the throbbing Member for Mulgrave, unveiled the new slogan. 

“My fellow Victorians, I’ll keep this brief.” Comrade Dan explained. 

“Today, we celebrate a new milestone in my glorious reign! We are now officially the COVID-19 capital of not only Australia, but the entire South Pacific! In fact, while other states within Australia continue to experience a decline in COVID cases, much to the disappointment of our Chinese overlords, our great state of Victoria continues to spread the virus far and wide!” 

Comrade Dan went on to explain that as a thank you to the people of Victoria for their determination to spread the virus amongst themselves as much as possible, the current slogan “Stay Alert, Stay Alive” would be replaced by one more relatable for the average idiot. 

“Today, my fellow Victorians, I present to you our new slogan!” 

“Victoria – Stay The Fxxk Home You Idiots”.