Lewis Hamilton Demands Ferrari Stop Using “Racist” Livery

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Following his successful campaign to get former enthusiastic supplier to Hitler’s Wehrmacht, Mercedes, to show they’re not actually racist afterall by splashing a bit of black paint on their Formula 1 cars, Lewis Hamilton is now calling on Ferrari to stop using the colour red, as that’s apparently racist too.

The Waterton Chronicle spoke exclusively to the 6-time World Champion, budding musician and ‘fashion’ designer. 

“Yeah, man. Firstly, I’d like to thank my fans.” Lewis explained. 

“And I’d like to thank my team for doing whatever I tell them to do.”. 

“But mostly, what this whole thing has taught me is that Ferrari needs to paint their cars black too. And Red Bull too, really.” Lewis added, with a tear welling up. 

This reporter asked Lewis what the issue with the red and blue (Ferrari and Red Bull, respectively) liveries is. 

“Man. I mean obviously red is racist against the First Nations peoples of North America. How could you not know this? Don’t even get me started about the Redskins. And Red Bull is clearly using the colour blue to persecute Scandinavian and Scottish people, man.” Lewis explained. 

Lewis went on to explain that his ideal solution would be to just have every single car painted entirely black, because that would mean they’re not racist apparently. 

“Yeah man, that would be real equality.”. 

Using Lewis’ logic, this reporter sought comment from the whitest teams, Williams and Alfa Romeo, on whether they’re a bit racist. 

In a clear sign that they’re both incredibly racist, both teams refused to entertain the idea of changing their liveries just to stop Lewis having a cry. 

“Lol, no. We won’t be changing the livery, we’ve got bigger issues to deal with.” Williams Team Principal Claire Williams said.