Dan Andrews Says “Everything Is Fine, Trust Me, Fellow Comrades”

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

As Victoria continues to do absolutely nothing to dispel rumours that it may have become the “third system” in China’s ever-growing portfolio of “systems” around the world, Victorian Premier Dan Andrews has moved quickly to calm the peasants, in the hope that they’ll all just stay at home and stop being racist. 

“My fellow Victorians, it is your civic duty to welcome your new Chinese overlords with open and warm arms and legs.” Comrade Dan explained via Zoom, in a broadcast facilitated, and closely monitored by, the Chinese Communist Party’s web of satellites. 

“They bring to Victoria an endless supply of money, which we’ll use to build a giant wall around the great state of Victoria to stop what we’re now calling “negative influences” from infiltrating our glorious nation of Victoria!” Dan continued. 

“We’ve even put aside some of their money for the construction of what we’re calling ‘Re-Education Camps” up in the high country so we can make sure people who show signs of bigotry, racism or otherwise incorrect views are given one opportunity to learn the correct way to think.” Comrade Dan added. 

When asked about moves by the rest of Australia to just finally get rid of Victoria and make it someones else’s problem, and specifically the #vicxit movement, Comrade Dan was defiant. 

“Yeah that might have worked twenty years ago. But it’s far too late now, my fellow comrade.” Dan said, with a grin.