Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT
The latest completely “independent and non-biased” poll results were released today, with our stunning and brave Supreme Leader pulling off some kind of mathematical miracle with an approval rating that appears to include not just the entire population of the People’s Republic of New Jacindia, but also another 200,000 randoms seemingly pulled out of thin air.
At 104%, Jacinda is comfortably ahead of absolutely everyone else, with none of the other politicians registering even a single vote.
The result is being described by the state-owned TV station as “a glorious day for our beautiful and kind leader”.
“Even (Chinese Communist Party Leader for life) Xi Jinping only polls around 99.8% approval. And (Russian President) Vladimir Putin seldoms gets above 96%.”.
“Once again, our glorious and kind Jacinda is leading the world.”.
In further good news for our Supreme Leader, the poll result is a full four percentage points above the percentage of the country now wholly owned by China following the recent COVID-19-induced, Belt and Road Initiative-inspired lolly scramble.
The Waterton Chronicle sought comment from El Presidente’s office on how it was possible to poll higher than the total number of people in the country, but we were told that questions like this were “not only disrespectful, they show a disturbing lack of faith in our glorious leader during these difficult times.”.
A source close to El Presidente told this reporter the poll result shows there probably isn’t much point having a “time-consuming and costly” general election in September.
“Clearly everybody loves her, so we’ll probably just not bother with that silly, outdated democracy thing.” he explained.