Social Distancing Doesn’t Apply To My Supporters, Says El Presidente

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Teenagers across America have donned their backpacks and facescarfs to get some much-needed outdoors time away from the daily grind of playing Fortnite, uploading TikToks, and receiving “donations” from their OnlyFans in the wake of the death of George Floyd at the hands of a lunatic. 

Meanwhile back in the newly formed People’s Republic of New Jacindia, El Presidente Jacinda Ardern has explained, through her complete lack of action, that 4000 people gathering in downtown Auckland to “protest” against police brutality in a different country is completely fine, and not at all a breach of her own government’s level 2 COVID-19 rules. 

While our glorious leader herself was unavailable for comment, The Waterton Chronicle did manage to speak to her Deputy Prime Minister, Winston Peters, who for about the 44th time in the last week once again went off-script to explain his thoughts. 

“I have absolutely no idea where she is to be honest. Look, she’s probably dragged First Dad Clarke and First Baby Neve along to the riots.. I mean protests.” Winston said. 

“I’ll probably get yelled at later for this, but I reckon if we’re gonna let 4000 people hang out together and rant about how bad the USA is, we should probably have a think about maybe trying to let our economy get going again?” added the wily old battler. 

This reporter spoke to a “protestor” at the scene, and asked him what he was hoping to achieve. 

“Reeee! ACAB! Fxxk da Police yo! Eeeeee! Jacinda good! Jacinda hugs! You racist! Eeeeee!” the protestor, who wished to remain anonymous, explained.