Supercars: Study Releases Findings On Origin Of Teknovirus

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With not much else to do lately, a Waterton University of Technology (WUT) study has had a look at what exactly is causing TEKNO, sorry, “Team Sydney”, to suck so much, with the results probably not overly surprising to most. 

The study, which involved having a look at the team’s results, personel, drivers, and cars over the years, found that despite an anomaly of actually pretty good results when Shane van Gisbergen was there, the team has always suffered from Teknovirus. 

“What we found was quite astonishing really.” said Head of Random & Unnecessary Studies at WUT, Dr Mephesto. 

“While some thought their Bathurst win, and the SVG years prior to that, were indicative of a team that actually knows what they’re doing, it turns out that a few minutes of half-assed research reveals that the Bathurst win was entirely caused by Jamie Whincup, Garth Tander and Scott McLaughlin not knowing how to merge like a zip.” Mephesto explained. 

“Basically, they won Bathurst despite being infected with Teknovirus.” 

“And any suggestions the team was free from the virus when Shane (van Gisbergen) was there are misguided.” 

“Basically, he just managed to do quite well because he’s pretty good at driving cars.” Dr Mephesto added. 

The study concluded that there is a “99.9999% probability” that the origin of the Teknovirus is team boss Jono Webb. 

“Unfortunately, it could be quite difficult to cure the team of Teknovirus without isolating Jono.” Mephesto explained.