World Health Organisation Urges Australia To Reclassify Kangaroos As “Companions”

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

Following news earlier in the week that China, or at least some parts of it, have moved well into the Bronze Age and decided that cats and dogs make better pets than stir fry, the World Health Organisation is apparently putting pressure on Australia to stop eating Skippy and his mates. 

“What China is doing, by gently encouraging people to maybe not eat their pets, puts the great nation once again at the forefront of animal rights and shows what an incredibly advanced culture they have cultivated compared to the savages in the West.” a WHO spokesperson told The Waterton Chronicle. 

“We firmly believe Australia now has no choice but to stop the barbaric practice of killing all those adorable kangaroos and turning them into sausages.” he continued. 

This reporter understands that Prime Minister Scott Morrison will announce later today a new policy directive from China, which will apparently require every Australian household to adopt at least one wild kangaroo as a pet. 

“Let me be clear. Stop it!” Scomo said, in reference to Australians eating delicious Kanga Bangas. 

Scomo went on to explain that having a pet kangaroo would also help keep people entertained at home during lockdown. 

“How good are kangaroos?!” he posed, rhetorically.