Supercars: Roland Dane Adopts Voodoo Magic In Desperate Bid To Win

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As preparations for the Supercars All Stars E-Series continue, and with Jamie Whincup looking likely to get absolutely destroyed in the iRacing competition, Triple 8 boss Roland Dane has reportedly adopted a slightly unusual strategy in what some are seeing as a desperate attempt to not lose. 

The Waterton Sports Chronicle understands Roland has had a set of Team Penske-themed voodoo dolls made especially for him by a voodoo priestess in Haiti. 

A source familiar with the situation told this reporter Roland received the dolls in the post yesterday, with the set consisting of meticulously hand-crafted miniature versions of Scott McLaughlin, Fabian Coulthard, Ryan Story and Roger Penske, as well as highly detailed voodoo versions of both the #17 and #12 Team Penske Mustangs. 

The source also explained that this isn’t the first time Roland has had voodoo dolls of Team Penske made, with the cheeky bugger apparently first utilising the Haitian voodoo priestess back in 2017 when former Triple 8 engineer Ludo Lacroix turned up unexpectedly at Team Penske. 

“He’s pretty stoked to finally have a complete set of dolls.” the source explained. 

“Having the complete set multiplies the magic power by a factor of at least 10, depending on the evil prowess of he who possesses the dolls.” the source added, with a cackle.