Supercars: Roland Dane Compiles List Of Reasons Team Penske Should Be Penalised

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

With the Supercars All Stars E-Series only a couple of weeks away, Triple 8 boss Roland Dane is under immense pressure to come up with new and interesting ways to whinge when he’s not winning.. 

With Supercars moving even further out of the real world than they were before China forgot to tell anyone they had a bit of a pandemic problem, Roland has had to basically rewrite his little black book of things that will get an automatic penalty dished out to Team Penske. 

“Yeah it’s looking a bit grim for Roland really.” explained Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican. 

“They’re all racing the same virtual cars now, so the list of things we can arbitrarily decide are illegal if Penske is winning is significantly shorter.” Paulie told The Waterton Sports Chronicle. 

Roland is apparently burning the candle at both ends trying to come up with as many new reasons Penske should be penalised as possible ahead of the first E-Series race on April 8th. 

This reporter has learned that the list so far includes such gems as “having a better looking sim rig”, “doing a faster lap than Triple 8 in qualifying” and “not allowing a Triple 8 car to pass when requested by Roland”. 

A source familiar with the situation told this reporter Roland is apparently confident he can come up with “hundreds more” reasons to penalise Team Penske before the first race at Phillip Island.