Social Distancing? Yeah Nah Bro

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

Jacinda Ardern’s latest directive is going about as well as every other policy introduced by her government, with apparently the entire country deciding this afternoon that “stay at home” is some kind of elaborate code for “go to Pak N Save” or maybe “you need to fill up your car”. 

The Waterton Daily Chronicle spoke to one punter standing at the back end of a 100 metre long queue outside Pak N Save for some reason this afternoon to see if we could extract something resembling a logical reason for the behaviour. 

“Oh bro, I just heard from a mate that I should stock up on essentials like toilet paper, baby wipes, tissues, you know the stuff I smash through every day.” the single 24-year-old office worker who lives with his mum said. 

Old mate went on to explain that after he’s stocked up at Pak N Save he’s heading over to KFC to pick up a few buckets of the Colonel’s finest before heading over to a mates house for what he’s calling a “COVID-19 Apocalypse Party”. 

“Yeah bro, it’s gonna be a mean piss up eh”. He explained.