Victorian Govt Implements “One Person, One Carriage” Policy Amid Coronavirus Pan(dem)ic

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

After months of being absolutely fine with thousands of people packing into trains every day to and from work, the Victorian government has today announced that as of midnight tonight, only one person will be allowed on each carriage on all Metro trains. 

Supreme Leader of Victoria Dan Andrews told The Waterton Daily Chronicle “desperate times call for desperate measures.”. 

Amongst ten full minutes of buzzwords deployed by the exalted leader, highlights included “it’s a constantly changing situation”, “we’re constantly reevaluating”, and “there’s no need to panic but..”. 

Andrews explained that the policy will be strictly enforced, with thousands of PSOs currently being deployed to stations across Victoria to ensure that no one tries to defy the government. 

This reporter spoke to a passenger waiting at Laverton station about the new policy. 

“At least I’ll get a seat.” explained Point Cook resident Amit. 

As a result of the new policy, it’s expected that the current 6 minute wait between trains from Laverton to Flinders Street will balloon out to somewhere beyond infinity.