10,000 Police To Be Redeployed As Govt Cracks Down On eScooter Hoons

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

The government has announced this morning that 10,000 frontline police officers will be taken off the beat and redeployed to traffic duties in a bid to crack down on what Police are calling “the scourge of reckless eScooter hoons”. 

The news comes a part of a wider attempt by the government to make some money out of the eScooter craze through the implementation of a “variable speed limit” system similar to that used in Victoria, in which eScooter users will be kept on their toes by a speed limit that changes arbitrarily every 10 metres. 

“We’re happy with the speed limit system itself, it’s a really efficient way of catching people out and boosting revenue from fines.” explained Green MP Julie-Anne Genter who masterminded the initiative. 

“However, we soon realised it was going to be a bit hard to enforce the law and collect the money if all our cops were busy dealing with actual crimes, so we’ve redeployed the majority of them to the newly formed Special Taskforce Against Scooter Infractions (STASI).” Genter added. 

The Waterton Daily Chronicle this morning tagged along on a patrol with STASI officer Maximilian Kopft as he carried out eScooter surveillance and capture operations from behind a bush in a leafy Waterton suburb, which has an eScooter speed limit of 10kmh. 

After almost four hours sitting behind the bush it was beginning to look like the new laws might be a bit over the top. Then out of nowhere a man in business casual attire with a leather satchel draped over his shoulder came around the corner, completely oblivious to what was about to unfold. 

“Got him!” yelped Officer Kopft excitedly as he showed this reporter the laser readout of 13kmh, before launching himself out from behind the bush and flying Superman-style into the unsuspecting commuter. 

“Hands behind your back criminal! You’re coming downtown!” Kopft screeched as he cuffed the man and threw his eScooter in the back of the waiting 2002 Holden Rodeo STASI Tactical Vehicle.