Toilet Paper Declared Legal Tender In Australia As Hysteria Reaches New High

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

Reports are coming in from the land that time forgot that current Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison has declared toilet paper legal tender alongside actual money as the country’s coronavirus meltdown reaches a new high, or low, depending on how you look at it. 

In an effort to calm things down a bit and perhaps taking a little inspiration from Mad Max, Scomo has announced that as of midnight tonight toilet paper will be a perfectly reasonable way to pay for goods and services, including toilet paper itself. 

“How good is toilet paper?” Scomo asked The Waterton Daily Chronicle. 

“Pretty good” appears to be the answer, with one toilet roll currently worth more than an ounce of gold, and at least 27 Holden Commodores. 

When this reporter asked one punter on the street why he was hoarding toilet paper, he scoffed to himself before saying simply “Oh. Where have you been? Under a rock somewhere? Because of coronavirus silly.”