Supercars: Remainder Of Season To Be Contested On Forza Motorsport, Says Head Pelican

As the coronavirus “pandemic” grips the world and causes Mad Max-style fights over toilet paper for some reason, Supercars has today announced that due to the “extreme health risk”, the remainder of the 2020 Virgin Australia Supercars Championship will be raced online, on Xbox. On Forza. Of all things. 

In news that will surely further shorten Jack Smith’s odds of winning Bathurst, Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican today announced that with immediate effect the championship will be moved away from real life and into the realm of Xbox trolls the world over. 

“With the death rate from coronavirus soaring past 0.00004000000002% today, we have no choice but to become one with our online racer brethren.” explained Paulie. 

“I saw Mark Skaife cough the other day. It’s just not worth the risk.” added the seabird. 

The Waterton Sports Chronicle understands the real life Melbourne event scheduled for next weekend will be replaced by 9 laps of some made up circuit pretending to be in Rio De Janeiro.

“Oh sweet. I know that track pretty well.” Jack Smith said..  

Paulie told this reporter Supercars would only return to the real world when DJR Team Penske stops “ruffling all our feathers” by beating Triple 8 all the time. 

“Until they (Team Penske) just calm down a bit and accept that they’re supposed to be 2nd, we don’t see the point in risking infection by racing in the real world. They can just stay at home and go infect themselves!” he squawked.