Supercars: Meet The Team: Paulie The Parity Pelican

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

In the first (and probably last) of our “Meet The Team” series, we sat down and chatted with Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican over a bucket of pilchards to find out what makes the seabird tick. 

The Waterton Sports Chronicle: Hi Paulie, how are the pilchards this morning? 

Paulie: Yeah good mate, nice and fresh. 

The Chronicle: Now, you’re in charge of what you call “parity” in Supercars. What does “parity” mean to you?

Paulie: Yeah, actually I’m in charge of the whole thing, not just parity. But parity is by far the most important part of my job. Well, making sure Triple 8 wins, obviously. 

The Chronicle: How do you think you’re doing? 

Paulie: I think I’m doing a great job to be honest. While Scotty (McLaughlin) still somehow managed to win last year despite our efforts, we’ve learned a lot from that. And you can be sure he won’t be winning this year unless he switches to a Triple 8 car.

The Chronicle: So your view is that parity is more important than giving the fans a good show?

Paulie: Oh hell yes! Triple 8 winning is our main focus. Everything else is secondary to that. 

The Chronicle: Before Team Penske dominated the sport over the last few years, no one ever talked about “parity”. Why is parity only an issue if a Ford wins? 

Paulie: I’m not exactly sure to be honest. You’d probably have to ask Roland or Skaifey.

The Chronicle: Right. But you’re in charge?

Paulie: Right. 

The Chronicle: Right… 

The Chronicle: And before you took over as Head of Supercars, what was your background? 

Paulie: Oh I kinda just floated around looking for fish to eat. Nothing too intense. 

The Chronicle: Alright. And what’s your plan if Scotty (McLaughlin) keeps winning races? 

Paulie: Look, if he does it again, we’re going to have to seriously look at taking a few spark plugs out. Beyond that, we’re working on what we’re calling “Project: Flintstones”, which involves replacing the wheels with crudely sculpted rocks, as well as removing the engine and providing a hole in the floor for Scotty to push the car along with his feet. 

The Waterton Sports Chronicle: Thanks for your time today Paulie. 

Paulie: *Nom nom*. These pilchards are really good. Want one?