Jacinda Ardern To Wear Full Burqa At Christchurch Memorial In Desperate Bid To Not Lose Election

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

In an act of pure selflessness rarely seen from Cindy, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has today decided to at least try to pretend that she cares who wins the September election with the announcement that she will turn up to the memorial service in a burqa, in a move that she is trying to convince people is actually a “show of solidarity with muslim women everywhere”. 

“We ran a working group to find out what the muslim community wanted us to do to remember the events of last year. Despite the muslim community in Christchurch wanting nothing to do with large crowds gathered at high profile events, the working group, which consisted of me, Clarke, Neve and my mum, decided that the best thing to do was for me to don the burqa as the ultimate display of what it takes to really hammer home the power of women in society.” explained our caretaker Prime Minister. 

Jacinda went on to explain to The Waterton Daily Chronicle that basically she’s just kinda hoping sort of that the strategy helps her win some votes in the upcoming election. 

“But it’s all good if it doesn’t work eh. I’m sure I’ll survive in my free Manhattan apartment. And it’ll be a relief to not have to worry about what the pesky proletariat wants. No such thing as a popular vote at the UN!” she explained, with a slightly concerning chuckle.