F1: Chief Parity Pelican Announces New Rule To Help Ferrari

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

Reports are coming in tonight that Formula One’s recently appointed Head of Parity Paulie the Parity Pelican has made up a new rule to help Ferrari to not lose races. 

Apparently with immediate effect, any race that ends with Ferrari not finishing 1-2 will be scratched from the record and everyone will just pretend like nothing happened. 

The news comes as Ferrari simultaneously tries to pretend they weren’t blatantly cheating with fuel “irregularities” last year, whilst also having a massive whinge about potentially being too Italian to turn up to the Australian Grand Prix next week. 

As with any time Ferrari has a massive whinge, the strategy appears to be working, with the completely “neutral” head of the FIA and former Ferrari boss Jean Todt and equally “neutral” F1 and former Ferrari boss Ross Brawn both telling absolutely anyone they could find that if Ferrari can’t play then no one can. 

When The Waterton Sports Chronicle asked Paulie where this new rule was all the other times various teams haven’t managed to participate in a race, for example back in 2005 at the US Grand Prix when only six cars were allowed to race because Michelin forgot how to make tyres,, the seabird paused, tilted his head on the side and look totally confused for a bit before explaining that those were “different circumstances”. 

“Ferrari did race that day though? In fact they got a 1-2 I believe. What exactly is your point here? We’re only stopping races where Ferrari can’t participate. It won’t apply to any other teams.” he squawked, completely clearing up exactly what the situation is.