All Sport To Be Cancelled As Global Coronavirus Death Rate Smashes Past 0.00004%

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

The global news media has reached a state of pure ecstasy as any story remotely related to coronavirus instantly turns to advertising gold.

Meanwhile governments and sporting organisations everywhere have gone into a full-scale panic and announced that sport of any kind will be banned indefinitely after the global death rate from the flu-like virus soars past what they’re calling a “massive” 0.00004%. 

The news no doubt comes as a pleasant surprise to the likes of Triple 8 “Holden” Racing Team and Scuderia Ferrari F1, who no longer have to worry about getting beaten by faster teams. 

The Waterton Sports Chronicle spoke to a random punter at the local supermarket as he was filling up another trolley with any toilet paper, baby wipes and tissue paper he could get his hands on for some unknown reason. 

“Aaaahhh! Bad man give me virus!” he screamed before running off. 

More to come.