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With Teknovirus threatening to put a halt to TEKNO, sorry, “Team Sydney”’s so-called “assault” on the 2020 championship, and the arguably less deadly coronavirus apparently causing the entire western world to collectively sxxt themselves, with toilet paper supplies decimated as a result, Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican has tonight suggested we all just pack up and go home. 

In a turn of events eerily similar to The Waterton Sports Chronicle’s prediction late last year at the height of the “Parity-gate” scandal, Paulie has tonight suggested the risk is “simply too high” to continue going to race meetings, and therefore the best option apparently is to just give Triple 8 the 2020 championship now. 

Whether Paulie was talking about the risk of contracting a virus, or the risk of Triple 8 once again not being good enough to win remains unclear. 

“Look, we had a bit of a think about it, and we can’t really justify travelling around to places with the risk of Team Penske winn- I mean the risk of coronavirus, so high.” squawked the seabird. 

“So I’ve, I mean we’ve decided we’ll probably just give Triple 8 the trophies tomorrow and barricade ourselves at home so we can stay up to date with the hysteria on ABC News.” explained the giant pelican.