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The world can rest a little easier tonight after Destiny Church cult leader “Bishop” Brian Tamaki announced he has come up with a simple vaccine.
Speaking from his South Auckland mansion, Bishop Brian told The Waterton Daily Chronicle all you need to do to be safe from the “scourge of coronavirus” is to turn up to his next rant about how good it is to be rich and throw $100 bills at him, in a business model that sounds strangely similar to the one utilised by the strippers across the road from his Destiny Church cult compound.
“I mean it’s not similar at all actually.” Tamaki told this reporter.
“They perform to vulnerable people who don’t have anywhere else to be, and in return the people throw craploads of cash at them, whereas I perform to vulnerable people who don’t have anywhere else to be and they.. Look mate it’s not the same OK!” he explained.
“Look, what we’re trying to do here is stop this virus from inflicting the same sort of damage the Christchurch earthquakes did when the gays got involved.” he added before speeding off with his bikie mates on his newest Harley.