Communist Cindy Pretty Happy With How Things Are Going

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

With Coronavirus sending the mainstream media into a state of pure ecstasy over clicks and shares, and idiots everywhere lapping it up as if it’s a story about a man who was hung out to dry on a cross and turned up back at the pub three days later, Supreme Leader Jacinda Ardern is unfazed by the events of the last week. 

To be fair she’s spent the week chilling on the beach demolishing kava with an authoritarian dictator, so who can blame her for being right at home, really. 

Like any full on communist regime, the first thing to become hard to get is food. So imagine the surprise here at The Waterton Daily Chronicle when supermarkets in Auckland started closing today because they’d run out of food. 

Good thing our Supreme Leader gave that Fijian village $2 million of New Zealand taxpayer money to sort out their beach though.

Supreme Leader Ardern basically told this reporter if we don’t like it, we can leave. 

“Look, I’m not going to answer any of your questions because if I do I’ll look bad among the peasants.. I mean voters..that rely on me for food.” she screeched. 

“And if you continue to question my authoritaah, you’ll be removed.” she added.