Jacinda Ardern Reckons NZ Is Stupid Enough To Vote For Her Again

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

Apparently after a few too many Fiji Bitters last night, Prime Minister Ardern for some reason thought it was a good idea to announce that her government is “cracking down” on fuel prices. 

Coincidentally, the announcement comes a few months out from an election that she is wandering into with a Deputy Prime Minister she refuses to speak to, and a bunch of Green “MPs” still sitting around at Ihumatao. And let’s not even talk about Kiwibuild, the Homeless thing, and that silly old thing that only evil capitalists worry about, the economy. 

With basically no research, since it only happened a couple of years ago, The Waterton Daily Chronicle was able to determine that the fuel prices Jacinda is apparently cracking down on are the same fuel prices she caused to skyrocket by piling on 42 different taxes as soon as she somehow did a deal with Winston back in 2017. 

It might be possible that she is maybe using fuel prices as an election bribe. Maybe. 

This reporter managed to catch our Supreme Leader in between kava sessions with the Fijian dictator, and asked her what she was hoping to achieve with the fuel price “crackdown”. 

“Look, what we need to focus on here is that Fiji is sinking. Oh and we should probably also help me and Clarke and stuff get to New York. Yeah. That.” she explained, sort of. 

More to come.