Jacinda Ardern Announces What Happens If Lotto Jackpots Again

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

With New Zealand’s Lotto prize pool at $50 million for this Saturday’s draw after jackpotting again last week, Supreme Leader Jacinda Ardern has announced that if it jackpots again she’ll be “redistributing” the money to things that make her look good at the UN. 

Speaking from her palace overlooking a secret Fiji beach, Ardern told The Waterton Daily Chronicle she saw a great opportunity to really impress her UN overlords by backing up the random $2m of NZ taxpayers’ money she gave to a village in Fiji yesterday with a further $50m to really hammer home what a communist she is. 

“Look, it’s really important to me that I get a powerful job at the UN next year after I get voted out of government in NZ in September, if I last that long, hehe.” Ardern explained with a chuckle. 

“So before I get booted out of NZ, why not steal even more of people’s money and give it to someone else? It’s not like those people back in NZ need it.”. 

“I don’t know why anyone would be struggling with money, but if they are, maybe they should just sell their house and car or something.”