Supercars Completes Emergency Inquiry Into “Parity Failures”

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

Supercars has announced this morning the results of a hastily put-together report into what exactly went wrong at the Superloop Adelaide 500 over the weekend. 

The report, dubbed The Pelican Brief, was commissioned on Sunday night after Scott McLaughlin won the round and six of the eight Fords finished the weekend in the top ten, despite years of attempts by Head of Supercars Paulie the Parity Pelican to make the “Holdens” more “equal”. 

Paulie told The Waterton Sports Chronicle the main findings of the report were that Scott McLaughlin needs “reeducation” around the parity rules and the importance of ensuring “Holdens” win the races, and that clearly more work needs to be done to slow the Mustangs down to below the level of the “Holdens”. 

“Yeah, not a great weekend for us really,” squawked Paulie. 

“We thought it was going pretty well after Triple 8 cleaned up on Saturday, but then Scotty (McLaughlin) and a bunch of other Fords took it upon themselves to be fast in Race 2 when we thought we had that problem under control.” he added. 

Paulie told this reporter that he and his team are working on a new penalty system designed specifically to punish Ford drivers for trying to beat the “Holdens”, the details of which will be released in the coming days. 

“That’ll put a stop to all this Ford-winning nonsense!” he cackled. 

More to come.