Supercars Looks At Manufacturer Options, Definitely Not Panicking

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

After demolishing somewhere north of 40 bottles of bubbly last night to celebrate artificially getting “Holden” back to the top of the timesheets, Supercars have cracked out the defibrillator in a desperate attempt to resuscitate the entire series. 

The entire colony of pelicans met this morning in Adelaide to work out which manufacturers they haven’t completely torched over the last few years, apparently thinking their best option at this point is to go crawling back to one or two of the non-”Holden” manufacturers and tell them they can come play with them now. 

“How ‘bout Nissan?” 

“Nah, they got a bit sick of us only helping Holden I think.” 

“Mercedes?” 

“Same thing really. We probably should have helped them, but Holden was winning races then so.. yeah.. oops.” 

“Volvo?” 

“Haha. Good one.” 

“Alright.BMW were kind of interested last year weren’t they?” 

“Well yeah, but we decided the fans only watch because it’s Ford versus Holden, so we told them to go find something else to do.” 

“KIA?” 

“…” 

After about ten minutes of back and forth, it dawned on the seabirds that unless GM decides for some unknown reason that the best way to avoid bankruptcy is to pour millions of dollars into racing Camaro’s or Cadillacs in Australia, where they don’t sell either brand and the steering wheel is on the wrong side, they’re probably going to have to look at rebranding the series to The Mustang Cup. 

“Can someone call Elon Musk please? We need serious help here.” Mark Skaife squeaked.