Supercars: Head of Parity Promoted To Formula One Role

Bryan Firebrand | Chief Editor | CONTACT

Supercars’ Head of Parity Paulie the Parity Pelican is reportedly leaving Adelaide this morning after getting the call up from Formula One Monopoly Man Chase Carey overnight. 

The news comes after Paulie’s determined efforts during 2019 to get “Holden” back out in front appeared to finally pay off after so-called “Holdens” topped the timesheets during the first practice session of the season yesterday. 

Speaking from Glenelg Beach, where the pelican was preparing for the arduous flight to Barcelona, Paulie told The Waterton Sports Chronicle he was looking forward to working with Formula One owners Liberty Media to gift the championship to anyone other than Lewis Hamilton and Mercedes this season. 

“Yeah look it wasn’t easy to get the Opels.. I mean Holdens back at the front, but we got there eventually. If the Fords come back during the season we’ll just take the wings off them altogether, so my work here is done really.” squawked the seabird. 

Paulie went on to explain that he will initially go back through every lap of every race of the 2019 Formula One season and see if there’s anything Lewis Hamilton maybe could have been penalised for. 

“From there, we’ll start adding weight to the camera pod on top of Lewis’ car just to, you know, make things a bit more equal. And of course this cheeky ride height adjuster they’ve come up with will have to go.”. 

More to come.