Jacinda Ardern Announces New Department of Unemployment Elimination

New Zealand Prime Minister and UN golden child Jacinda Ardern has today announced the establishment of yet another government department. 

The Department of Unemployment Elimination will be tasked with completely eliminating unemployment overnight, in what Supreme Leader Ardern has labelled a “revolutionary initiative for unemployed people and for me.”. 

“It’ll be pretty much identical to most other government departments really.”. 

“Basically we realised that the best way to reduce unemployment to zero is to employ all the unemployed people in government roles.” explained Ardern. 

“So from this morning we’ve started sending out employment packs, together with a framed picture of First Dad Clarke, First Baby Neve and me to every single unemployed person in New Zealand.” she added. 

The Waterton Daily Chronicle understands the employees will “work” from home, with a wide range of specialised roles on offer, including providing punting tips to Winston Peters, providing beer and RTD recommendations to various ministers, and occupying private land for months at a time.