Nike Launches New Oxygen Mask Range with Australian Open Tie-In

With a look sure to be popular with house-invading “troubled” teens of government-mandated unspecified ethnicity, Nike has addressed the growing air quality issues in the qualifying rounds of the Australian Open by launching a new range of stylish face masks. 

“When we saw Bernard Tomic choking in a literal sense, rather than the usual self-inflicted metaphoric sense, we knew we needed to do something” said Nike Australia PR manager Chanel Everlast. 

“Truth be told, we’re just relaunching a product we sell off the shelf daily in China. But hey, if it gets a few more sales we’ll have a crack at it”.

It remains to be seen how many players will adopt the new uniform, but this reporter is quietly hoping for at least a couple of Nolan-era Bane quotes. 

More to come as the asthmatic action continues from Melbourne Park today.