“King” Kohli Invades Australian Celebrations

In stunning scenes, occasional run-scorer and full-time flog Virat Kohli has taken his unjustified celebrations to new levels.

Celebrating a comprehensive 10 wicket win with more than 10 overs to spare, the Aussies were shocked when their high fives and congratulatory buttock-taps were interrupted by the “King” breaking through the pack and grabbing a stump before squealing with joy and doing a little dance. 

When quizzed by this reporter about the behaviour which, if he was white would have been described by someone with purple hair and a 10-syllable gender as “a classic display of toxic imperial colonialism”,  Kohli simply replied, “Of course I am to take the stump. It is customary for me to contribute very little but lead the celebrations.”