Birmingham Man Reckons Melbourne “Too Dangerous” For F1

As Australia continues to battle catastrophic bushfires, the world is doing a pretty good job of demonstrating how little anyone except for actual Australians apparently knows about the giant land downunder. 

Overnight a 21-year-old Birmingham man took to Facebook to tell everyone the bad news that, in his expert opinion, Melbourne is “simply too dangerous, given all these bushfires, for F1 to even think about letting the race go ahead”. 

“I mean, I’ve not been there (haven’t actually left Birmingham either lol), but I’ve seen the maps going around on Facebook, and the whole place is burning.” he added. 

The post attracted the attention of 500 other people who don’t have a clue what they’re talking about but act like they are the Lord Mayor of Melbourne. 

“Yeah. Agreed. They need time to rebuild Melbourne, and now is not the time for people to have fun” said Trudy from Wisconsin. 

When Shane from Melbourne saw the post, he attempted to explain that Melbourne is a long way from the fires, that the maps on the news are not actual satellite images, and that Melbourne is completely fine. 

“Bullshit! Don’t you watch the news?!” screeched Trudy. 

“Oh so you’re fine with letting people die for a car race?!” chimed in Patrick from Sussex.