A Brunswick dickhead has taken to Twitter this afternoon to tell everyone in his little echo chamber how the catastrophic bushfire crisis gripping the country at the moment is really just an elaborate plan by Scott Morrison personally to boost Chinese tourism.
The tweet is apparently the result of a conversation he had with one of his university mates last night about how the government is “definitely” burning down the entire east coast of Australia just to clear the way for a high-speed rail project that no one wants.
Julius Jonathan-Jacoby (21), a sociology student who preaches tolerance and equality for all, tweeted “It’s obvious Scummo went out and lit these fires himself to make Chinese people feel more at home. The evidence is clear #scummo #itstruebecauseisaidso”.
When The Waterton Political Chronicle caught up with Mr Jonathan-Jacoby at his favourite Brunswick cafe a few hours ago he told our reporter, not before he’d finished yelling at the cafe worker for putting the wrong brand of almond milk in his tea, that there was no other possible explanation for the bushfires.
“Bro, if you honestly think Scomo didn’t light the fires, you’re a bigot.” he screeched.
“And if you think I’m wrong, you’re just another capitalist fascist!” he added.
Once he’d finished tweeting that our reporter should be fired, and making sure his mentor Richard Di Natale hadn’t forgotten about his $2.5m Otways property this time, he went on to say that it was clear the government was hoping to make Chinese people feel more at home by filling the entire atmosphere with smoke.
“He obviously wants to avoid scaring them when they come here. Imagine how scared they must be when they see blue sky, or stars?!” he whined.
When our reporter pointed out that renowned “far right” lunatic Alex Jones was banned from social media for coming up with similarly ridiculous conspiracy theories, Julius pointed out that “Alex Jones is right wing though, man. That’s why they banned him.”.