“If You Look African, Do Whatever The Fuck You Want” Says Victorian Govt

Following the news that a Melbourne grandad was for some reason bashed into a coma outside his home by a gang of random strangers on Christmas Eve, Victorian Police Chief Officer Barbrady has taken the drastic step of temporarily  leaving a dinner with his Chinese overlords to tell The Chronicle that he doesn’t know what all the fuss is about, and that people should stop being racist. 

“Mate, do you see any Africans around here?” he asked this reporter, outside a completely unaffordable restaurant on Southbank. 

“No” said this reporter. 

“Well, what’s the problem then? Nothing to see here.” Officer Barbrady retorted. 

When this reporter suggested that maybe it was time to start telling the African community that invading complete strangers homes and stealing their cars, or bashing random train passengers for their iPhones is probably not a good idea, Officer Barbraby was quick to point out that that way of thinking is a bit racist. 

“That’s a bit racist.” he said. 

“What we all need to understand is that these people don’t know that we don’t really want to have random gangs of teenagers breaking down our doors in the middle of the night and threatening to kill us if we don’t hand over car keys.”. 

Officer Barbrady went on to once again tell this reporter that there’s definitely no problem with gangs of teenagers going around bashing people for fun, and that to even suggest such a thing was “racist”, before heading off to what he described as a “random home invasion”.